I love it when a plan comes together

I was right!!!!  I got the whole list done, except for the bath, in an hour.  One hour people.  One.  And it's going to storm outside so, I optimized my decent time really well.  And, I got to enjoy the satisfaction of crossing things off the list.  I had forgotten how much I love that.  So many accomplishments all in a row!

Big vacation coming up next month.  Scheduled whale-watching trip this morning.  Very excited.  Will just pray the $ isn't wasted on my ticket and that my health allows me to enjoy that shore excursion to some degree.  Tim will enjoy it for me, if not.  Many years have gone by with no fun vacation to look forward to, due to illnesses.  That only makes this year and this vacation all the sweeter.  Neither of us have ever cruised before.

Lord, I thank you for your many blessings in my life and in this world.  Please help me always to have a grateful heart.  Help me to remember that if not for your grace, I might be homeless, hungry, alone and truly, truly suffering.  Help me to remember that others do live in this way and please come into their hearts to comfort them in a way they can receive.  Amen.

1. Write list

I have not been very efficient with my allotted energy lately and I've just realized the reason.  Lack of my usual list.  I find I get up in the mornings, wander out of my room and just stand there like I've emerged onto a new planet and have to figure everything out fresh that morning.  I see that there is a dog and a cat hovering around me and I know they want food and water and potty but I just stand there thinking about it and also thinking gee, I'm hungry.  Oh, look at all those dishes.  Oh, and the dishwasher is full, but it is clean, so it needs to be unloaded.  Oh and the cat puked over there.  Oh, and I need my meds.  And so for the first hour or so of my day, I just wander around like a pinball in an old-fashioned arcade machine touching on every one of those and completing none of them.  The rub is this.  That hour is supposed to be my BEST hour.  At least it used to work that way.  My mind was at its clearest.  My physical symptoms at the minimum.  Now, I'm not sure what has changed but, it could be the lack of a list.  I can remember having a list that helped guide me through normal chores and kept me on the path of accomplishment but for some reason, I've gotten away from it.  I guess it was those months of not being able to do more than the bare minimum.  Tomorrow, I will reinstate the list.  Here is a template:

1.  Change all animal water - 4 bowls
2.  Feed dog
3.  Measure cat's consumed food and record it.
4.  Feed cat.
5.  Give cat pill.
6.  Make smoothie for me.
7.  Make toast for me.
8. Take pills
9.  Scoop litter boxes
10.  Put clean dishes away
11.  Wash dirty dishes.
12.  Take bath.
 
I know that seems elementary but, if it is not laid out like that, I can't remember to do stuff.  Can y'all?  I got up at 8:15 this morning and now it is noon and I just finished that list.  No, I did not do anything else except text my neighbor.  That's all.  But, I did not have the list to go by.  Tomorrow, when I have the list, I think I will save myself at least an hour and a half of standing around in utter confusion.  Fingers crossed.

Knew I shouldn't have gotten out of bed.

Yesterday, my migraine grew to such horrendous proportions that when I woke up this morning, I could still feel it in my head.  I have been "caring" for it all day.  I had to really pep talk myself into getting out of bed at all.  Here is how I can best describe it.

When I went to bed last night, it felt like maybe a refrigerator, a large deluxe one, not a dorm sized deal, was in the space where my head used to be and that it was really angry, since in my description, appliances have feelings.  I went to bed at about 7:30 pm with all my normal pills and my migraine pills in me.  Slept through the night only waking a couple of times.  At  7 am, woke with a normally shaped head again.  Deep in the center of the skull was an almond.  I could feel it and it wasn't angry yet, just annoyed.  So, you see, I knew I shouldn't have gotten out of bed.  I should have just let the almond have its way and stayed in the dark and cozy, cool cave of my room, keeping her appeased.  I didn't.  I haven't spent very many hours up, though.  I have spent almost all of my day in my dark guest room, lying on the couch, with a cold towel on my head and face.  And so she grew.  By keeping 2 sets of sunglasses on inside and by keeping my activity level very low, which for me is really just being still, I managed to keep her from getting beyond dishwasher sized.  I had been taking my medicine every day for a few days and I am aware how careful I need to be with that.  Frequent medication use can cause rebound headaches and you don't really know when you cross into that area.  So I was determined to just sit this one out and not medicate it.  Took Valium at night to help me pass out.  And, of course, she was still with me when I woke the next morning.  She was baseball sized and had the attitude and smarty-pants of a spoiled 7-year-old.  Again, with the sunglasses for me and the no medicine.  I was telling my friend about my new brain roommate and that I thought this might be one of those ones that would just stay with me until I went to the ER for whatever pain shot they give for migraines.  She told me to take one of my super duper pain pills (hydrocodone) now (at noon), while it was still smallish and eat, and go straight back to bed.  I did that and it killed her!!!  YIPPEE!  I woke up at 3:30 pm and couldn't feel it anymore.  Had an entire afternoon and evening without a headache.  It is back this morning but not only maybe almond-sized again.  It feels asleep, not annoyed or angry yet.  So, we'll see how I do in controlling her today.  My physical pain is far greater today so, I'm hoping for that to be a trade-off.  Much rather body pain than head pain.

My version of granola bars

Make my version of granola bars or your own version.  This template allows for us all to be granola happy.  Thanks Vegetarian on the Cheap!

So, my personal adjustments to this template is the following: 

3 C oats

½ c flaxseeds

½ c pumpkin seeds or sesame seeds, or ¼ c ea.

1 ½ tsp sea salt

1 tsp cinnamon

½ tsp cayenne pepper

¼ c raw honey

½ c peanut butter

¼ c brown sugar

¼ c  Splenda

2-3 tbsp water

1/3 cup good chocolate chips or chunks

I found that following her specific recipe above left me with too many dry toasty ingredients so, I added some optional tablespoons of water into the gooey part. 

Also, nuts seem to be more expensive than seeds so I use more seeds in mine.  But, I have used both chopped almonds and chopped walnuts.  Use anything you like.  That’s what make these so great, they’re uniquely yours!

I wanted to not use agave nectar because it’s not as good as raw honey.  Also I know some of y’all don’t use Splenda.  Surely it could be omitted and you could use stevia and just add a few drops at a time to taste. 

I have also used vanilla powder and almond extract.  You can really make an original batch every time if you want to.  In my opinion, if you are going to add chocolate chips, add good ones.  Don’t bother with low quality chocolate.  It is just gonna make you crave more chocolate, where just one chip of very good chocolate has more satisfaction. 

I have used dried fruit before, cranberries once and apricots another time.  But my favorite way is to make it a bit spicy with the cayenne pepper.  Then when I have everything mixed and press it onto my parchment covered sheet, I sprinkle the chocolate over the whole thing and take the bottom of the measuring cup and sort of press the chocolate chips into the mix.  Just don’t want them sitting on top. 

I also do not leave in the oven for 30 min.  For 20 at most.  When it starts to smell, I’d take them out. 

Thanks to Vegetarian on the Cheap for her blog and coming up with this!

Happy cooking,

Marie

Calm down day

My sweet friend came to visit with me today and we took a picnic of burgers and onion rings out to the marina at Eagle Mountain Lake.  Watched the ducks and again realized the beauty of God's creation.  The lake was super calm.  It was really too hot for me to even get out of the car but, I thoroughly enjoyed the outing.   And I really needed it.

I have taken some steps in figuring out how to help Lea right the wrong going on in that corner of the world.  See FURIOUS if you don't know about her.   I have also come to realize that anger, real pure furious anger, is as good a pain-killer as laughter.  Screaming, cussing, wanting to ruin another person in a LARGE variety of ways, releases all the same life-affirming endorphins as does joy and its expression.  This was news to me and since I'm now quite angry, its very handy.  In fact, I'll need to keep an eye out so I don't let it become a stressful event for me.

Made some phone calls today to some certification boards and found out facts that I suspected to be true, are indeed true.  Since I am only one person, I have no idea how I will make the ripple effect large and wide enough to touch all those defrauded but, I will try to chip away at it and keep the anger in my pocket for my own use.

 Update 7/22/2014:  Have reached out to an investigative journalist.  Encouraging others not to just take it for granted that folks can say they are an ND.  For that matter Oscar here is an ND, an no regulatory organization can say otherwise.  Its ridiculous.

FURIOUS

It's 12:11am and ludicrous that I'm still awake.  I have even taken something to hopefully knock me out but, I guess my fury is stronger than my need to rest.  I will try to express some of it here now so as to maybe sleep some tonight.

I have no desire to be involved in a lawsuit of any kind so I will not use any names and the entire thing is "hypothetical".  Let's say I'm hypothetically infuriated.  And I want to act but I'm not sure what to do.  I know about something happening that is WRONG.

Let's say, for giggles, my friend has a chronic illness.  Her name is Lea.  Lea has joined a group on a social networking site related to such chronic illness.  Let's say also that this closed group has an administrator who has a bunch of alphabet soup after her/his name and has a website and has written several books.  Let's also say said administrator frequently promotes books to members of the closed group/patients who are looking for relief from their chronic problem.  Let's go even further and say this:   Lea has an acute issue of symptoms for the first time in 3 years.  Administrator tells Lea to give a full report of, let's say, exercise, or maybe diet, or maybe sexual activity, or some specific behavior which she controls.  Admin wants a journal of 5 days worth of this activity and will then tell Lea what she did wrong to bring on the issue.

Now, let's also add that Lea's illness is proven to be related to a very specific malfunction in the body which is still not understood well and is not treated effectively by medicine.  But, the cause of the problem is known.    And Lea knows now that no behavior she acted out brought on the current issue.  It couldn't have because, the source of the problem is entirely unrelated to the aforementioned behavior that the Admin wanted a journal about.

So, Lea does some digging.  She finds out that at least 75% of the credentials of the admin, printed on the website and also on covers of many books, are fraudulent.  She discovers that the school where the admin earned her/his degree does not even offer one of the degrees she/he claimed to earn there. (He claims 3 different degrees.)  Also, she learns that said college chose to close its doors about 5 years ago instead of doing what was necessary to become an accredited institution by the U. S. Dept. of Education.  Also, the college was distant learning only.  No campus.  The kind of degree she/he claims to have could only have been earned at a college with a campus because some of it quite literally requires that he put her/his own hands on things/people/whatever as part of the learning experience.

So here is what we have.  An "expert" in the field of her chronic illness telling her that she/he can positively identify the reason she is having trouble today.  The professional association that she/he claims to be part of does not list her/his name though.  Also, she/he brags that she/he is certified in a separate field.  Lea finds out that to be certified in that field, one needs only to have a GED, $470.00, and to pass a mail-in exam.  They give a year to finish the exam and you're supposed to use any books you need for answers.  A year.  A GED, 500 bucks and a year.  This makes her/him an expert.

Here is where my fury begins.  I do not think this is incompetence on his part.  I do not think she/he assumes that these degrees are real, or legit at all.  My belly, which is very wise, tells me that she/he is labeling himself as this expert in order to sell Lea and others like her the collection of her/his books.  Lea is desperate for her illness to go away.  She/He is preying on this desperation.  She/He is a fraud.  The cover of her/his book reads, hypothetically "by Fred Flintstone, Ph.D, N.D., MH, C.N.C.  and she knows that most of the other folks who have this chronic problem are not at all aware that they are being lied to.  She used ALL of her spoons today to discover the truth behind all those letters as they relate to this administrator.

And now she knows the truth and doesn't know what to do about it.  So, I am praying for Lea.  Please pray for her with me.  This is a smallish issue in the large picture of the world.  But, in her world, it is a very large issue for snake-oil salesmen to trick her into spending money she doesn't have on an invalid cure.

If anybody has any REAL advice I can pass on to Lea, please let me know.
Let's pray tonight not only for guidance for her but for snake-oil folks to come to see the light of Christ.

Have happy nights.

Food, what I can control

So, of all the stressors this world presents each of us, we can control very few.  We can control what we think, our actions, and what we put in our mouths, not much more.  Thoughts and behaviors of others is out.  Stimulation of all kinds like noise, light, movement, entertainment, advertisement, all out.  Weather, out.  Hormone release, out.  For all of those that are outside our control, we can only work with them and hope they do dance steps that we know.  But, food, there is the difference.  No one else has any control over what I pick up and put in my own mouth.  So during this well-time, this is my self-improvement issue.

I have recently read Fiber Menace by Konstantin Monastyrsky.   Next, I will read Wheat Belly by William Davis, M.D., which my genius big brother recommended last year sometime and I never did get to it.  So, I am armed with some new information, to say the very least.

Also, the fermenting is working wonders in my gut already.  I am officially one of the finalists for "Prettiest Gut in Texas, 2014".  And it is so easy.  I have eliminated about a quarter of the pills I take in the mornings because of fermenting alone.  Now, I am just learning, remember that, so some things don't taste good or even anywhere in the area of good but, I am eating and drinking them all.  And I reach out to a Fermenters group on FB for advice whenever I have questions.  This is the cheapest and easiest thing to do for solving a gut imbalance and I sooooooo wish I had known about it years ago.

I am not under any allusions that this is the fix for me and the condition I have.  But, again, this chips away at my symptoms and believe me, balancing my gut is a ginormous chip.  Like, Everest, big.  Maybe Saturn.

While it's true that I have changed my diet, say 4 separate times and in 4 different ways over the course of my journey, each time was helpful, even if to prove that the change was not helpful.  So far, these changes are helpful also.  I am eating very few servings of grain.  Like one a day.  Also, I am eating about 3 servings daily of food or milk that I fermented.  And, I am drinking less water.  The 8 glasses a day rule got thrown out with the bathwater and now I drink when I am thirsty.  That's all.  So, those are my changes thus far.

For breakfast this morning I made pancakes.  Recipe:  Mash 2 bananas and whip in 2 whole eggs.  (Add cinnamon or nutmeg if you like at this point).  Heat the pan to med/ med-high.  Fry pancakes as you usually would.  DO NOT EXPECT THEM TO TASTE LIKE PANCAKES.  They do not.  But, top them with some butter, not margarine, some real maple syrup or fruit, nothing fake, and eat them slowly, chewing well,  while knowing you are at least controlling what you are eating and that you've done nothing guilt inducing.  You controlled your pancakes.  I washed it down with about 1/4 glass of OJ and 1/4 glass water mixed.  Then had 1/2 glass whole milk kefir with some cinnamon and stevia.  Yes, it does sound weird. And, no, I don't know what I'll do when I'm traveling.  But, for now, my gut is so pretty.  Beauty pageant pretty.

Again with the nightmare.... ugghhh....

I haven't had "the nightmare" since I wrote about it in June.  Many weeks.  But, I did have it last night again.  It was unexpected so, I was more disturbed by it than I had been before.  It was particularly vicious this time and involved swords and just manic craziness.  I am killed by Jamie.  It makes me wonder if my subconscious knows something the I'm not aware of yet.  I have had about a week or more of decent days.  Maybe I'm preparing for a flare that my cells know about but, not my conscious.  Or, maybe I'm just dreaming crazy scary nightmares again.  Who knows?  Not a really fun way to wake up, having been killed by my sweet Jamie again.  Also, in this one, Jamie catches me when I'm at a memorial service for a dog who died.  Could that be connected to the fact that my sweet Evy has stage 3 kidney disease now and it is a daily THING to get her to keep eating?  Possibly.

Well, with any luck, if I keep writing about it, confronting it, I will put it at bay again.  It is distressing.  I'm in more pain already today than yesterday.  At 9:12 am.  But, I am happy.

Look at the most recent lusciousness!!!  Beets, Cucumbers, watermelon rind pickles.  I'm going for the Prettiest Gut in Texas 2014.  lol  Anyone ever had those gorgeous gold beets before?  Can't wait to try them....

Have happy happy days!

What a journey

I am presently adding old journal entries from 2007 into this blog for completeness sake.  It is no wonder I am very careful about hope and when I'm willing to hold it.  So, so many times, hope was dashed.  I'd feel good for a week, and then it would come crashing down again.  I'm glad I kept those notes.  It is nice to see my progress on the journey.  And, since I'm not roadkill yet, I continue to learn how to cope.

I have a lot more notes to add.  Several years.  That will take a bit since I can really only work on this on good days, and then for only about 90 minutes.

I did manage to do some productive things with today's spoons.  I scrubbed two, yes I said two, bathtubs, vanities, sinks, mirrors.   We went to the passport office to get that chore done.

Reading Fiber Menace now, including about 3 other things, and I'm learning a lot from it.  Eye-opening.
Nap time for me.  Been awake too long.  Body shouting "let me sleep already...why are you still typing?"

Have happy happy days!

How sweet it is...and then there's the bitter

We did go geocaching this morning!!!  And twice I teared up just by doing the activity and the awareness of how much I missed it.  Missed the world, in general.  We stayed out for about an hour and a half or maybe two and then were home before 10a.m.  I don't have nearly enough vocabulary to express how great it was to do that today.  Sometimes this house, which I love and is a fantastic home, starts to feel a bit like I imagine a jail cell would.  We quit early which I think was wise.  Tim wanted me not to get "too pooped out for the rest of the day".  What a blessing that he understands my needs and limitations.  So thankful.

Later the same day....

Well, my morning was so sweet to me.  She was free of stress and symptoms.  She allowed me activity which included outdoors in the beautiful day.  She let me spend time doing something I love with my loved one.  She was kind.  (She is pink and wears a tu-tu and her hair in a bun)

Now, my afternoon is angry. (He is one of those munchkins from the Lollipop Guild.  Remember them?, mischievous little brats.) He seems to think this is the morning's fault, that we feel this way now.  (Oh, BTW, imagine feeling like a truck hit you and then a piano fell on you. OK, now you're with me)  He wants us to point the finger of blame at my sweet morning.  As if it is her fault.  SHE IS INNOCENT, I SAY.  She did not cause this Mr. Afternoon.  Just go and take your nap and shush.

Even Later the same day....

Up from a long nap now and afternoon rages on.  Nap did nothing to appease his anger.  Oh well, sometimes that works.  Just not today.  I refuse to blame my sweet morning.  She is my friend, my heroine.  I might feel like somebody beat me even if I didn't do the fun activity she allowed me.  Yes, I might.  And, I'M GLAD FOR HER AND HER KINDNESS.  I would not undo it.  Even if it lifted the piano.  Small increments of positive go a very long way when the larger increments of negative are the "norm".  Don't you blame her Mr.  Afternoon, don't you dare.....

Have happy, happy, happy days

Much better

My re-commitment to writing this blog was almost a month ago now.  It is remarkable how much better I am in just that short span of time.  My quality of life is improved in every way.  A description of what I could do today, within the confines of my home, of course, is this:  I walked freely, without caution and slowness, and without pain.  Mostly without a cane, as well.  I laughed and chatted easily and called a loved one who I don't speak to often enough.  I played frisbee outside with Oscar for about 10 minutes.  That may not seem like long but, trust me, it is.  It really is.  We watched a movie this afternoon and I felt fine afterward, not stiff or sore.  I did not get an afternoon headache, as is my norm of late.  I did not have to wear sunglasses inside or take meds to ward it off the pending migraine.  I prepared and cooked us dinner and cleaned up afterwards.  Also, the two of us gave Evy her sub-q fluids for the first time.

And none of those activities were hard for me or painful at all.  In fact, I have barely been able to stop singing all day.  Two songs are sort of "with" me right now.  The Rose by Bette Midler and To Make You Feel My Love by Garth Brooks.  And for the last 2 days, I cannot stop singing them.  In fact, I just had to get out of bed to come and write because I was keeping myself awake with the singing.  I feel sure that constant singing about love is the polar opposite of depression.  And it is just delicious.

We might go geocaching in the morning.  We'd both really like to.  I haven't be up to that activity since October, 8 months ago.  If we do go, we'll be careful not to keep me out long, and make sure to bring my cooling towel and plenty of water and food.  Also, I have searched for caches only within 5 miles of our home.  So, we will never be far from my napping spot if that becomes imminent.  It is nice, even if we don't go, to be able to realistically look forward to it.  That alone feels like accomplishment.  It isn't really accomplishment though, since I bear no responsibility for it except the care I take of myself.  It is really, just part of the package.  Some ups, some downs.  And now, finally and truly thankfully, for a few days, I feel up.

If anyone ever doubts how quickly life can change, they have only to chat with me during an up and then during a down.  Maybe then, hopefully, they will come to treasure the regularity of their boring day to day lives.  If only I could have some idea that tomorrow might be like today.  I do have some hope, but, not so much that I will feel sad if I crash.  I truly have enjoyed the past couple of days and maybe if I just keep singing, it will help relieve pain when it returns.  I don't think I have tried that as medicine yet.  If I have, I don't remember it.  I love to sing and I miss it.  I really do need to sleep now though.  Seriously.

Have happy happy nights
Take care of yourselves

I never imagined....

During the glorious healthy days of my 20's, I never imagined I'd be using this to go to a doctor.

On the other hand, I never ever imagined that I'd do so after I ate cream cheese I made and yogurt smoothie that I cultured for my breakfast with coconut oil in my coffee.  

Ahhhh..... sweet, sweet balance.  May it last through the day.

Have happy happy days

PS  Isn't my wheelchair the coolest with its neon yarn-bomb.  Who says they have to be ugly??

Here's the other side:  

Also, please prayers for comfort for my sweet Grandma Hilda.  Thank you very much.

Holy Moly its early

Well it's 4:30am and I've been awake about an hour.  Unfortunate, you say, but not disastrous.  Ahhh, I beg to differ good sir.  Disastrous.  I tried listening to my book for about 45 minutes and after no luck, finally got up and unloaded my dishwasher and decided on writing as my passing time activity.  Here lies the disastrous part:  I have a CT scan at 11 am.  That means the bus will fetch me at 9:15, drop me off sometime before 11, who knows how long I will be on the bus but, no matter how many other folks they pick up and drop off, I have only been late for an appointment once in 3 years.  My pick-up time is 12:30.  So, I am looking at getting home realistically about 1:30pm.  So, on a normal day when I don't leave my house and I sleep well until about 7:30 or so, I am wanting my nap at about 1:30.  I predict today could be very difficult.  I will be taking my chair.

Going to begin 2007 entries now.  It is insightful for me to read these entries again, as I haven't laid eyes on them since they were written.  Heart is so full of gratitude that I'm not scared anymore.  I still don't like it, but I'm not frightened.

Have happy, happy days.  I can accurately predict that mine will be super challenging.  So, have extra happy times for me.

Remembering when......

Have some extra energy today.  I forewent (I think I just made up that word)  my afternoon nap to type in my journal entries from 2006, early days of this journey.   If spoons present themselves in abundance tomorrow afternoon, I will do '07.

Have happy happy days!