Well, I just read an article with so much validated research that I know it is proven. So, there is no question of its truth. Here is the point. Fibromyalgia causes brain damage in people who have it.
Researchers found that in people with chronic pain, a front region of the cortex associated with emotion fails to deactivate when it should. It's stuck on full throttle, wearing out neurons and altering their connections.
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/02/080205171755.htm
Now, that is quite a depressing thing to read. How can it not be? They've proven that as much as it sucks living through the pain, doing so actually damages my brain. Hmmmm you say. Why bother to keep showing up? I know that sounds drastic, and I am by no means near that kind of thinking but, come on, it is high time that the world stop judging or assessing "what we are going through" because frankly, they are going to come up short every time. For one thing, every time, my brain will be damaged a bit more. Also, how could anyone feel what's inside the very private vessel that is me? Impossible.
Think about that one line for just a moment. "Stuck on full throttle." So the first thing that comes to my mind is a car. A car stuck on full throttle is a disaster waiting to happen. What else has throttles, maybe an elevator? Well, the floors are going to stop up there somewhere or down there somewhere. How about even my electric toothbrush? It will burn out and I'm imagining smoke will be involved if it stayed stuck on full force. Here is the point - anything stuck on full throttle will end abruptly, permanently and probably very messily. I cannot think of a single exception. Nothing, not any man made device or machine, nor any animal I know of can sustain being "stuck on full throttle". It hands my mortality to me on a plate. Huge questions arise about how damaged my brain will be when I'm 55 or 65. After all, medicine cannot treat the root causes yet at all. They are just now figuring out how it effects us. It is quite a thing to read about a disease you live with.
So, how to bring this knowledge into my soul cohesively? How to embrace the damage to my brain which is happening every single second of my life. There is an answer. Just give it to Him. There is nothing else I can possibly do. If I am to enjoy any of the life I'm given by Christ's sacrifice, I have to also let Him help me carry this burden. To try to carry it alone, that would be suicide. And, for those of you who know me very well, you know I do not use that word lightly. I would never.
Today I pray for folks with pain like mine who are not close to the Lord. I pray that they can find their way to Him, that they are guided in His direction and develop a "besties" relationship with Him. Without Him, how could I actually face each day? Really? I mean, full throttle always? Come on.
Thankful that I was raised in deep faith which comforts and nourishes me during all the moments of my life. Even, and especially during the brain damaging ones.
Have happy, happy days.
Thursday, May 21, 2015
Saturday, May 9, 2015
May
It's not that this month is uneventful, I am just having trouble grouping everything that's happening into their proper sections and figuring a way to write about them.
First, could I just say how fantastically GRATEFUL I am that my health is standing up to these last 3 tornado warning evenings without quality of life loss. I've been able to be not only up and around, but not at all unhappy or more than medium discomfort. This has never been the case for me before when there is severe weather. Once, it actually robbed me of the ability to think of words to ask for help, which is quite scary, let me assure you. Tonight and tomorrow are supposed to be more of this same kind of weather. Its already rainy and stormy here, which began this morning, and I still feel decent. Not in a wheelchair. Not reaching for medicine. Not in tears. Basically, just LOVING LIFE.
Okay, now that that is covered, I think I can cover some other stuff without minimalizing my current situation. I had a super lovely vacation recently with a dear relative. I reached out to her during the time several weeks back when I felt so utterly lonely and she set this trip up for us. Such a beautiful gift, these puzzle pieces that make up our hearts. I now have a fantastic friend in her, as well. I hope she feels the same. It was a much needed change of scenery for me. And, at the end, there was a little "brain injury" mishap on my part but, the concussion seems to have healed now and I've managed not to get another while symptoms were still on the burner. Apparently, as long as you don't sustain another until the first one has had 7-10 days to heal, or you have no more symptoms, your brain heals from them without problem. So says the ER doctor.
Also, a lovely bit about sustaining the "brain injury" is that I was entirely bed bound for about 2.5 days and I only got out with help to sit in my wheelchair and then have to be pushed and have help getting onto the toilet. So, needless to say, my spouse was vital in my care. And, we managed. I can't remember having anyone at my beck and call like that before. We have walkie talkies which were put into use, only because I just hate yelling. I hate hearing it and I hate doing it. He brought food. He moved heating pads and brought warmer socks. He kept the animals in food and water. And, I have to say I was honestly tempted to continue feeling "brain injured" longer than I was because, I really just wanted another day or so of the hand-maiden stuff. When it came right down to it though, I've been up doing stuff, taking medicine, alternating with rest for several days. It feels like horrible karma to take advantage of a caregiver for even an afternoon. Folks who care for the sick are often changed by it psychologically and I'd not want that on my conscience.
Enrolled as a Wellness Advocate for doTerra essential oils. I've done this really as just a partnership for my little pendants. That way I can sell folks little samples of different oils and they don't have to dish out like $30 for a small bottle of oil, just to find out that it is not the one which works for them, or their family. The direction that our health care system is heading frankly scares me and I want to keep as many chemicals as possible outside of my house and body. The scents of nature are powerful. Last night, I found that my mood changed about an hour before bed. I couldn't figure out why, either. Nothing had happened to cause it yet, I was in a bit of a funk. I used two drops of a blend called Elevation on the insides of my wrists, like I would for perfume. It smelled very good at the time I applied it. But as it was absorbed by the pores of my skin and my personal chemistry mixed with it, IT SMELLED DELICIOUS. Like, I wanted to just lick my arms, delicious. It is hard to be in a funk when you think you are completely YUMMY.
A few folks in my world are struggling with symptoms of illness these days, and I witness some of these and hear about others. It is truly a helpless feeling to watch loved ones suffer. Growth is hard. That's why when kids have growing feelings, those are called pains. I think most all illnesses which are chronic (and these I'm referring to are) must be grieved, like any important loss. And one of the steps of grieving is acceptance which is sometimes confused with resignation. Resignation to me has the ring of surrender. I am laying down now. Just go on and run me over. But acceptance, that means, okay, I get that things will be different, but, I'm not going to stop living. I will figure out how to live differently. I can still go on a cruise to Alaska, even though I have to do it differently. I can still hope to see the Grand Canyon someday. I can still offer compassion to others.
This is from my Minute Meditations and it struck me as so so true today that I want to share it.
In this life you now perceive great value and beauty in things that formerly you turned away from: poverty, suffering, even illness. You now understand that in the poor and lonely you behold the face of Christ. And in difficulties such as illness you see the means for you to do as Christ bade you: to take up your cross and follow him all the way to heaven.
I was one of those people who perceived value in beauty. In abundance. Now, I am the other kind of person. Frankly, I wouldn't change it for anything. It so delights me that I have tears.
In deep gratitude that I know myself.
Have happy, happy days.
First, could I just say how fantastically GRATEFUL I am that my health is standing up to these last 3 tornado warning evenings without quality of life loss. I've been able to be not only up and around, but not at all unhappy or more than medium discomfort. This has never been the case for me before when there is severe weather. Once, it actually robbed me of the ability to think of words to ask for help, which is quite scary, let me assure you. Tonight and tomorrow are supposed to be more of this same kind of weather. Its already rainy and stormy here, which began this morning, and I still feel decent. Not in a wheelchair. Not reaching for medicine. Not in tears. Basically, just LOVING LIFE.
Okay, now that that is covered, I think I can cover some other stuff without minimalizing my current situation. I had a super lovely vacation recently with a dear relative. I reached out to her during the time several weeks back when I felt so utterly lonely and she set this trip up for us. Such a beautiful gift, these puzzle pieces that make up our hearts. I now have a fantastic friend in her, as well. I hope she feels the same. It was a much needed change of scenery for me. And, at the end, there was a little "brain injury" mishap on my part but, the concussion seems to have healed now and I've managed not to get another while symptoms were still on the burner. Apparently, as long as you don't sustain another until the first one has had 7-10 days to heal, or you have no more symptoms, your brain heals from them without problem. So says the ER doctor.
Also, a lovely bit about sustaining the "brain injury" is that I was entirely bed bound for about 2.5 days and I only got out with help to sit in my wheelchair and then have to be pushed and have help getting onto the toilet. So, needless to say, my spouse was vital in my care. And, we managed. I can't remember having anyone at my beck and call like that before. We have walkie talkies which were put into use, only because I just hate yelling. I hate hearing it and I hate doing it. He brought food. He moved heating pads and brought warmer socks. He kept the animals in food and water. And, I have to say I was honestly tempted to continue feeling "brain injured" longer than I was because, I really just wanted another day or so of the hand-maiden stuff. When it came right down to it though, I've been up doing stuff, taking medicine, alternating with rest for several days. It feels like horrible karma to take advantage of a caregiver for even an afternoon. Folks who care for the sick are often changed by it psychologically and I'd not want that on my conscience.
Enrolled as a Wellness Advocate for doTerra essential oils. I've done this really as just a partnership for my little pendants. That way I can sell folks little samples of different oils and they don't have to dish out like $30 for a small bottle of oil, just to find out that it is not the one which works for them, or their family. The direction that our health care system is heading frankly scares me and I want to keep as many chemicals as possible outside of my house and body. The scents of nature are powerful. Last night, I found that my mood changed about an hour before bed. I couldn't figure out why, either. Nothing had happened to cause it yet, I was in a bit of a funk. I used two drops of a blend called Elevation on the insides of my wrists, like I would for perfume. It smelled very good at the time I applied it. But as it was absorbed by the pores of my skin and my personal chemistry mixed with it, IT SMELLED DELICIOUS. Like, I wanted to just lick my arms, delicious. It is hard to be in a funk when you think you are completely YUMMY.
A few folks in my world are struggling with symptoms of illness these days, and I witness some of these and hear about others. It is truly a helpless feeling to watch loved ones suffer. Growth is hard. That's why when kids have growing feelings, those are called pains. I think most all illnesses which are chronic (and these I'm referring to are) must be grieved, like any important loss. And one of the steps of grieving is acceptance which is sometimes confused with resignation. Resignation to me has the ring of surrender. I am laying down now. Just go on and run me over. But acceptance, that means, okay, I get that things will be different, but, I'm not going to stop living. I will figure out how to live differently. I can still go on a cruise to Alaska, even though I have to do it differently. I can still hope to see the Grand Canyon someday. I can still offer compassion to others.
This is from my Minute Meditations and it struck me as so so true today that I want to share it.
In this life you now perceive great value and beauty in things that formerly you turned away from: poverty, suffering, even illness. You now understand that in the poor and lonely you behold the face of Christ. And in difficulties such as illness you see the means for you to do as Christ bade you: to take up your cross and follow him all the way to heaven.
I was one of those people who perceived value in beauty. In abundance. Now, I am the other kind of person. Frankly, I wouldn't change it for anything. It so delights me that I have tears.
In deep gratitude that I know myself.
Have happy, happy days.
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