Sometimes, the best thing for me is just a bit of structure. I went to an exercise specialist the other day who works under my cardiac electrophysiologist. I came away from that appointment with renewed hope. I wish I could say vigor, but as it was my 4th appointment this week in as many days, I was far from vigorous. After a nap though, I started right in on my assigned exercises. He broke down his specific recommendations for me. Cardio some days, strength some days. Each day, something assigned. Instructions that if I do not fulfill the exercise on any day, to just rest and excuse myself, no harm done. None of the previous work unravels, I just have a rest day. No guilt. He stressed this. No guilt. And today, I accomplished Day 2 of the plan. I see him again in 3 months. He explained that even with my limitations, I am in good shape. Several joints have pretty limited range of motion, and I have instructions as to how to begin helping them. These steps are teensy, baby steps, but, maybe in 6 months, it won't be such a struggle to lift a gallon of milk. The hope is realistic.
Also, a bit of guidance. Two books I've read and am still reading are Feeling Good by David Burns and In Sickness As In Health by Barbara Kivowitz are both pretty good. Feeling Good is an easy to read, understand, and easy to follow steps to self-help book. I'm in the middle of it as I had to get my book club book read for Sunday morning with my breakfast ladies. So, now I can go back to it. I did make time to read In Sickness As In Health though. When chronic illness strikes, it messes up everything, including your relationships, especially your marriage. There are paths through the quagmire, but they are hard to follow without guidance. It gives examples of how different couples adopt new roles and try to manage their grief about the loss. It explains how the illness is not just about me, the ill person, but my spouse's world is shattered by it too. He loses everything he hoped would be true for our future, just as I have. Honestly, and incredibly, I've never given that much thought. I have always thought it was just happening in me. I am the one in pain, in a wheelchair. But, if I sit and think about the reversal of the situation, of course I would feel loss if he were living like I am.
I have always been a lover of some instruction, some guidance, tips, structure, list-enjoying kind of gal. This life, this unpredictable body, unreliable mind, unrelenting symptoms, leaves me feeling floundering around in the world. These little bits of HERE. DO THIS. have helped so much.
Thankful that I was able to have the meeting with Kyle and that the relationship book I chose to read was a good and helpful one. And that I had the ability to read through and understand it in a reasonable time frame.
Have happy days!
Marie
