Pain level decreased and function increased since last writing. Quite a bit on both fronts. I'm back to driving, have taken on the role of Volunteer Coordinator of my local animal rescue, and back at church. Walking freely and easily. Will return to the hospital next week. Have gone to some yoga classes this week with a new friend in my neighborhood. So here is the dramatic irony.
In yoga class, we are asked to keep cell phones silent, which I easily remember to do. But my phone rang anyway at 9:45, with only 15 min left of class. I quickly scooted to silence it. It wasn't a call, it was my alarm. I have that alarm set for twice weekly on Tuesdays and Fridays to remind me to do something otherwise I'd forget. That task is to plug in my power wheelchair to keep the battery charged. Because I want to be ready, and I need it to be ready if I need it. If I need it and don't have it, well, been there, done that. Not good. Because each day when I wake up, I have no expectation as to how I'm gonna get through it, on legs or on wheels. In pain or not. I forget this. I go through days and days at a time, not remembering that it could all change in a blink. This alarm reminds me. This alarm not only has a functional and logistical place in the upkeep of my equipment, it serves to ground me, absolutely. No one can anticipate a dramatic personal change of health and function and be prepared for how that changes you emotionally and mentally. Physically, you survive it. That's the goal. That's all you're doing. The mental and emotional are the side-jobs. I do take antidepressants to keep me as evenly balanced mentally as is possible in the face of changes and disappointments. But emotionally, I would not survive this drama without my FAITH. That fact, I know to be true. It's too heartbreaking, again and again, to suffer the loss. So, I began to picture myself like a very small girl who used to stand on my Dad's or Mom's feet facing the world, letting them walk me around. That's how I picture myself with My God. He has me. He will carry me through what I must face, completely supporting me, however difficult it feels. He will not let go my hands and will be under my feet at ever step. His guidance will keep me facing what I need.
Irony. In a yoga class being reminded that it could be impossible to walk this afternoon.
Have happy days and see your blessings. Stop and see them.
