Flux and Lala

Symptoms are in a state of flux, as always.  My super great neuro doc did prescribe a new med for migraines (happens to be the exact mixture of Excedrin Migraine but in prescription strength, including all that caffeine).  The first time I took it, I slept only 4 hours that night.  I need not go on about how much a disaster the next few days were.  And further, it didn't work on the migraines.  I'm a caffeine-free girl.  It doesn't like me, I don't like it.  If we cohabitate, we do so in dark chocolate, and in small doses.  That's it.  So, a few days of the last week were spent in bed with full on big bloomed migraines.  Yesterday, Tim suggested trying the old med again, and what do you know, it worked!  No headache so far today.

I know a woman who has the disease I have and is homeless.  I cannot tell you how my heart hurts for her.  I think of what it takes for me, even within these warm walls and on cushy furniture, to get my body comfortable.  And then I think of the fact that she was living out of her car the last time we saw each other.  That was a couple months ago.  She could no longer work, as many with fibro end up having to stop.  Her children had to go and live with their father in another town.  She literally had nothing coming in to feed herself, there were no medications, etc.  I cannot even get in touch with her because her phone was a pay as you go, and she rarely turned it on in order to save minutes.  No one we mutually know has heard anything from or about her.  Imagine for a moment the sheer despair.  Its like Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane.  She is alone.  She hurts.  She's probably always hungry. There isn't an end to the pain in sight.   I pray for her all the time.    I mean, I have a home, electricity for heat, abundant food and water, a bathroom and bed of my own, medicine, doctors I can pay for, a spouse who supports and understands me and loves me, family who treasure me, friends who check on me.  And, it still takes regular therapy for me to keep my emotional head above water with this bucket of stuff I have.  Can you imagine carrying this bucket without ANY of that?    Please pray for her with me.  Her name is Lala.

Today I'm grateful for the fact that I am not out in the cold winter wind, that I was not impacted by the tornadoes, and that Christ came to save us all.

EDIT:
Lala was in touch with me about a week ago and is living in another state with some family members.  She is not out in the elements, and is even in therapy.  Thank you Lord!

Great Wake Up

So, this morning, I was gifted a wonderful dream.  Instead of describing it, I'm going to just relay its effect on me.  I woke up twice during the dream and was determined to go back to sleep to it, and both times I was successful.  I can remember almost all of it, and I keep bringing it back to the front of my mind, trying to concrete it in long-term memory.  The gist is that I am loved and taken care of in a way infinitely more than my human words can convey, and by someone who is the best parts of me, only  x 1000.  At a distance it can be seen as me being controlled by this someone, but it isn't control as much as it is that my situation is literally ideal for me.  Built and functioning for me.  Populated for me.  Made for me.  A dream that left me with a knowing of God.  A knowing that my faith in Him is what He wants it to be.

I now face this day with such a feeling of being loved that I want to just hug about 100 people.  Well, I have access to no people here and now.  I suppose I could go next door but, I'm not going to.  I have hugged my dog, and I had to give the cat her morning injection so, she's still a bit peeved at me.  I have never been surfing, never ridden a real tangible wave like that.  This feels like I imagine that would feel.  I don't have extra energy, in fact, if I walk the dog at all, it will be a short one.  But I do have extra spirit.  I feel full.  The tank is full.

The true beauty of this is that my day to day life is wrought with constant changes that are sometimes hard to adjust to and can be super frustrating.  With a tank so full, I have fuel to help me endure.  It won't put out fires, but it will aid me in getting to the other side of them.  I will still live with whatever my body throws at me, and the neurons will fire when the neurotransmitters emit, and it will hurt but, in the scope of my life, it is small.  I have a spirit-filled tank today.  And I am so, so grateful.

Praying everyone I love can have at least one similar morning.  And not only have it, but take time to recognize and appreciate it.
Have happy, happy days!

Today's Conudrum

So, yesterday, I didn't get a migraine at all.  Didn't have to medicate for one all day and fell asleep fine.  One of just two headache free days in a long slew of them.  And this morning I notice that, huh, I didn't take any of my regular maintenance medications or vitamins yesterday morning.  Connection?  Very probably.  Today I took them, and I'm going now to medicate for a migraine that started about oh, 3 minutes ago and find the darkest deepest hole into which to climb.  Super fun Thursday!!

Grateful it's just my head aching.  I am walking and talking fine.  Nice to have some things feeling normalish (I don't think normalish is a real word but, since this isn't being graded I figure its ok to use Marievish.  Have happy happy days.  JUST DECIDE TO DO IT.  BE HAPPY.

Oh Headache Tree, Oh Headache Tree

So, I've been in a long-term goal to lose XYZ pounds.  And, triumphantly, have lost X and Y.  Now, having to abandon the altered nutrition.  I am getting at least one migraine a day again.  Unfortunately, there's no way to tell yet what has brought them back.  In my hope that it was simple hunger, I am eating solid food and meat, etc again.  I am making sure that my environment is humidified well.  I am making sure proper naps are had.  Going to bed on time and doing more pilates than was usual for me.  I can't get my hands to grip around an answer.  My medicine is working when I take it.  The onset is so rapid that I don't have any time to drink my pink saltwater remedy.  The issue:  I am prescribed enough medicine to get through 9 headaches a month.  Nine.  I am simply not permitted to have more than that. lol. The insurance company thinks that if that dosage doesn't work, then it is the wrong medicine for me at this time.  (And I would not argue that fact.)  The prospect of me having to change migraine medicine is, let's call it, horrendous.  Not sure if that word really covers it.  Will have to keep thinking about proper adjectives for it.  

Grateful that the medicine I currently have is nipping them for now and that they are not lowering my quality of life dramatically.  Praying, and asking you to pray, that whatever is causing them comes to a close.