This will be short because I am profoundly weak. Too weak to really sit up for long and type. Two pieces of big news. I found out that I have a MTHFR genetic mutation, and that is the reason I have fibromyalgia. Nothing I did. Nothing I didn't do. Nothing I'm responsible for. Nothing I brought on myself. Just in my DNA, as is brown hair and German, and many other things. Not nearly enough mental energy now to begin explaining it. But, I would have gotten this no matter what I did.
Second, this morning I had to be rescued by a stranger, again. I haven't been at the mercy of the world for some years now but, it happened today and it has shaken me. I was walking the dog, using my cane, and simply underestimated my ability. I sat down on the sidewalk twice for short rests. On the third time, I knew I wouldn't be getting back up. An older man walking his dog found me lying on the sidewalk and walked back to my house (only 5 houses up the hill, I could see it) to get my husband, whose cell phone was off. I can't fully explain how vulnerable a position that is. I might as well have been a newborn, except that I could communicate. I was too weak to stand when Tim got there. Have been since, about 3 hours ago. Had a small cry, got support from a friend. It's upsetting, needing to rely on strangers. For any who wonder how God gives his provisions for us, it is in these people who step up and help. It is not in money or power or security. It is in service to those in need.
Gratitude that I listened to my body closely enough and did not allow it to fall and become injured. Further gratitude for those who care for me, even if it is only for 5 minutes this morning. Thank you Lord.
Have happy days.
M
Saturday, May 21, 2016
Friday, May 6, 2016
Feeling good in May
I don't have much complaining to do this morning. T is back at work, satisfied with his new job. The commute time is a bear but, it is doable for the next month. He takes a train for most of it, so it isn't a stressful commute, at least. I am enjoying my quiet house and my time with myself and God. Also, the critters. Slowly and surely packing my house up. Poor Oscar, who grew up in this house from a puppy, knows something is up, but doesn't know what. I've taken all the curtains down and washed and packed them. Yesterday, he just sat in the living room and watched me and let out a bark about every 2 minutes. "Um, why are you doing that? What's going on and does it include me?" All day he asked this. Well, he did take a break for nap time, which I'm grateful for. I've been getting up at 6ish to spend some time with T in the mornings before he goes in, so nap time is again a must in my day. It feels good to have a schedule again.
Trying to help him out further by mowing the lawn. It is something he can do in 30 minutes. So, yesterday morning, it took me at least 30 minutes to do the front and one side. Today, in another half hour or so when the dew is dry, I'll tackle the backyard and the other side. It is pretty hard on my body, taking in all that vibration. Feels like I've stuck all my fingers in electric sockets. One of those things that I have to forcibly take my mind off how it feels and focus on doing the actual task, or I would never be able to endure it.
It is telling, all the stuff we surround ourselves with to make these boxes feel personal, like our homes. I can observe my growth by seeing what I move from place to place. I can let things go, or decide it's not time yet. Thinking of so many lovely objects, for me it is okay if they are somewhere else, like a store or a museum, a place where I can go see them, but they don't crowd my space. As I grow older, the less stuff I want around me. My poor mind feels so sluggish sometimes, and I know one sure way to help it's clarity is to keep unnecessary items to a minimum. That being said, I do have a sentimental heart. Maybe the thing to do at my new house is to just unpack some of the stuff, or do it slowly instead of all at once. It's just that I like looking at my stuff. Even though I don't have a lot of it, what I do have, I've kept for a reason. Maybe I'll just photograph some of it, that way I can have it in my memory, but not have to keep the actual things..... we'll see.
I took a big step the other day and sent in a sample for my DNA to be tested. I am trying to find out if I have a specific gene mutation. If I do, it is in fact the cause of my illness. That is huge. To uncover the reason I have fibromyalgia. It is almost too big for me to take in because for so long I've just had to live with it, whatever the reason. It is a genetic flaw that has to do with the body's ability to absorb folate. It is called MTHFR mutation. It is a defect in the fundamental chemistry of how our cells grow and work. It can be blamed for many, many diseases, from heart disease, to thyroid cancer, to diabetes, to depression. And, if I have it, which I think I do, it is why I have fibromyalgia. If this turns out to be true, the personal relief for me, even though I didn't think I held myself responsible for getting sick, is going to be monumental. I didn't realize it until I put it in the mailbox the other day. But I thought, just out of nowhere, "this might not be my fault after all". I still carry around the wonder about what I did to make this happen to me. I still think back and wonder, maybe if I'd been more careful, if I hadn't fallen that day at work, if this, if that, I wouldn't have gotten sick. I wouldn't have lost so much. If I can blame it on a genetic building block at a cellular level, I will feel weightless.
The tragi piercings continue to keep my migraines at bay. A sweeter sentence never was written.
Well I have delayed the lawn mowing project long enough. Time to tackle. I hope I can move after.
With such a grateful heart for all the abundance in my life, from clean water to proper sewage to my sweet provider with his horrid commute, I am happy. My knee really hurts but, I am so happy.
Trying to help him out further by mowing the lawn. It is something he can do in 30 minutes. So, yesterday morning, it took me at least 30 minutes to do the front and one side. Today, in another half hour or so when the dew is dry, I'll tackle the backyard and the other side. It is pretty hard on my body, taking in all that vibration. Feels like I've stuck all my fingers in electric sockets. One of those things that I have to forcibly take my mind off how it feels and focus on doing the actual task, or I would never be able to endure it.
It is telling, all the stuff we surround ourselves with to make these boxes feel personal, like our homes. I can observe my growth by seeing what I move from place to place. I can let things go, or decide it's not time yet. Thinking of so many lovely objects, for me it is okay if they are somewhere else, like a store or a museum, a place where I can go see them, but they don't crowd my space. As I grow older, the less stuff I want around me. My poor mind feels so sluggish sometimes, and I know one sure way to help it's clarity is to keep unnecessary items to a minimum. That being said, I do have a sentimental heart. Maybe the thing to do at my new house is to just unpack some of the stuff, or do it slowly instead of all at once. It's just that I like looking at my stuff. Even though I don't have a lot of it, what I do have, I've kept for a reason. Maybe I'll just photograph some of it, that way I can have it in my memory, but not have to keep the actual things..... we'll see.
I took a big step the other day and sent in a sample for my DNA to be tested. I am trying to find out if I have a specific gene mutation. If I do, it is in fact the cause of my illness. That is huge. To uncover the reason I have fibromyalgia. It is almost too big for me to take in because for so long I've just had to live with it, whatever the reason. It is a genetic flaw that has to do with the body's ability to absorb folate. It is called MTHFR mutation. It is a defect in the fundamental chemistry of how our cells grow and work. It can be blamed for many, many diseases, from heart disease, to thyroid cancer, to diabetes, to depression. And, if I have it, which I think I do, it is why I have fibromyalgia. If this turns out to be true, the personal relief for me, even though I didn't think I held myself responsible for getting sick, is going to be monumental. I didn't realize it until I put it in the mailbox the other day. But I thought, just out of nowhere, "this might not be my fault after all". I still carry around the wonder about what I did to make this happen to me. I still think back and wonder, maybe if I'd been more careful, if I hadn't fallen that day at work, if this, if that, I wouldn't have gotten sick. I wouldn't have lost so much. If I can blame it on a genetic building block at a cellular level, I will feel weightless.
The tragi piercings continue to keep my migraines at bay. A sweeter sentence never was written.
Well I have delayed the lawn mowing project long enough. Time to tackle. I hope I can move after.
With such a grateful heart for all the abundance in my life, from clean water to proper sewage to my sweet provider with his horrid commute, I am happy. My knee really hurts but, I am so happy.
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