In ALL Things Give Thanks

As I'm going about my morning routine, feeding and watering animals, putting clothes in the dryer, scooping litter boxes, I have had an idea.

I am going to be consciously thankful for my fibromyalgia.  There are times when I have been thankful for some aspects of it before, but not always, and not as it unfolds, symptom by symptom.  I am going to CHOOSE to see it as a BLESSING in my life for which I was picked.  After all, there is absolutely no reason why this fact would be wrong.  Yesterday's passage in Jesus Saves spoke of His sovereignty and love.  It referred to why we imagine that He lets cruelty happen in our world, and the finite nature of our minds.  It is simply not for us to understand.  To spend time trying is to waste the glorious life He has given us.  So, I am making a choice today.  I don't know that I will be able to stick to this mindset when severe symptoms clobber me but, I am able to commit right now, this morning.  So, I will give it a practice run and see how it fits.  I would like it to fit snugly but not tightly.

Reasons why my debilitating illness is a BLESSING:
1. Hopefully, others will experience in me a presence of Christ's love.  Ideally, they may see that as an example.
2.  I provide a genuine reason for strangers, friends, family to demonstrate generosity and kindness.
3.  I am provided a glimpse at those who are hardened by the world and do not care for humanity or the suffering of others, thus giving me an opportunity to pray for them specifically.
4.  I can live in a purposeful way.  I can choose what to do, and when (within my limits, of course.  I cannot go rock-climbing, lol.).  I am not required to go through busy motions, filling my mind and soul with pollution.
5.  I try to live happily and joyfully whenever I'm able.  The result is that in my home, a man, a dog and a cat are all happy and content.  Thus, if I pass before the animals or my spouse, there is a greater chance that they will be able to continue to spread the happiness that I hope I have planted.  (I do not presume to take full credit for anyone's happiness but my own, but I do know that I have created an environment of love in this home.)
6.  I give others an opportunity to thank God for their good fortune and good health.
7.  I open discussions between children and parents about folks who have different health needs.
8.  I am funnier than I was before.  I take everything less seriously.  I laugh more.
9.  I've been given an opportunity to get to know both my parents in their retirement years, and they are not only loving and supportive of me, they are healthy themselves.  Many do not get such an opportunity and I do not take it for granted.
10.  I no longer dwell at all on the future or what it may bring.  I am in full awareness that I do not now, nor have I ever had a crystal ball and to pretend I do is an insult to my Savior.  His will will be done.  Not mine.
11.  I can observe Him everywhere.  In all creation.  In every flower.
12.  I have truly learned once and for all that fear is the absence of God.  Nothing more or less.  It is a creation of darkness and I will have no part in it.  (Not to say that some of those ice-pick stabbing pains don't alarm me sometimes, they do.  But, I am only very temporarily shaken.)

I've gone through my one allotted cup of coffee now so, I will go and get on with my day.  The bus comes for me in 90 min and I want to be just a bit more productive before that.

I will try to not strive for the independence my humanity craves, but instead go to Him when I am in need.  He said He will never abandon me.  Time for me to prove I believe it.

May you all have happy, happy days!!

Balance

It has been a while since I've updated, it was nice to be missed (my lovely SIL).    I have worked through some of my grief.  I don't feel sad at all most days.  I was quite disappointed when we came home from a trip to the mountains, (my favorite!!!) that I had altitude sickness while I was there.  But, it was pointed out to me by a friend that I still had a great time and got to do such fun activities, and was in general blessed to have the opportunity.  So, I promptly got over myself.

It's interesting that we find a way to want things to be the way WE want them to be, not how they should be or how HE will have them be, as if we have any power.  You'd think with faith would come a comfortable relinquishing of desire to control, but it doesn't.  We want what we want, when we want it.  Most of us do, anyway.  I am guilty.  Have humans always been like this?  And those who "go with the flow", "let go, and let God" are sometimes judged as inactive or unproductive or surrendered.  Really though, they have got it right.  Maybe one day I will be able to stop trying to be in control.

Anyway, I've been lucky to have stumbled upon a little support group.  A small gathering of ladies, all who have fibromyalgia get together at a local coffeehouse.  It is so meaningful to have them to chat with, and have their names and numbers so that I can keep up with them during the week. Sometimes you just need to talk to someone who knows what you are experiencing.  I'm especially grateful for the group leader /coordinator who drives me there and home.  So much about my life causes me to feel outside the normal boundaries of social gatherings, but this group brings me back to what I know is factual, that I am a normal woman, responding as best I can to a can of crap, which I'd much rather put back on the shelf.  It is a blessing.

I am also actively asking Christ to be with me in my home during the day.  I used to fill the silence here with noise.  I thought it made me less lonely if TV was on.  It didn't really matter much what channel, as long as it wasn't high drama or news.  Too stressful on both those counts.  But, I'd keep a DIY show, or a cupcake war, or buying a house in Alaska, just whatever so that I was there and not here.  The change happened when we dropped our cable.  Now television is not as easily available, not as much anyhow.  And frankly, I do know how to turn it on and find shows, but, I just don't.  When Tim comes home, then we turn it on after a while.  But, I have begun really listening to music I love again, and singing again.  I even thought about getting my guitar out.  I didn't get so far as to do it, mind you, but I did consider it.  And, I listen to some audiobooks sometimes.  But, and this is the new thing, I live in the quiet because I want to hear Him speaking to me.  I feel like there is something for me to know or learn or do but I don't know what.  So, I spend some of my time every day just quiet.  It was a challenge initially, there was a noise withdrawal issue.  But now, I cherish it.

I live in such abundance.  In a country of abundance.  In a time of abundance.  I am so grateful for it because it allows me to be physically, mentally, and emotionally comfortable.  I see living conditions in other parts of the world and I wonder if I'd even manage to survive there because the environment is so harsh and I've got such a small window of acceptable requirements.  I hear about or read about folks who are emotionally unstable or impoverished and I am grateful that I feel compassion for others in my heart.  I pray for those who lack the ability to think clearly for themselves, hoping they have trustworthy caregivers in their lives.  I have felt profound confusion which is not the same as mental handicap, but it is my measure of comparison.

It feels like life this week is starting to find a balance again.  Fatigue was my worst symptom this week.  Twice I slept 12+ hours a night, and took naps on those days.  Trying to go with the flow.  Wanting to get a few things done but, also not putting undue pressure on myself to perform activities.  Endeavoring to be the Marie He wants me to be.

Thankful that I live in an age that spreads my words to someone who might benefit from them. Thankful also that I was raised to give a damn, and that I know how to say so.

Have happy happy days!