Inspired by others

So, so grateful to the DFW Fibro Support Group and its Leadership Team and that I was able to attend yesterday's meeting.  Inspired now to write just a bit.
Firstly, I would like to encourage any of you pain warriors to follow a couple tips that I wish I'd have taken in the early years.
1.  Let go of what you think society expects of you.
2.  Let go of what you think your life should look like.
3.  Develop the skill to sit with your own company.  Just you.  No phone, no bike, no motorcar, not a single luxury, like Robinson Caruso, as primitive as can be.  Ok.  Sorry, for the Gilligan digression.  Seriously, you need to get to know yourself better than you do.  Trust me.

Society, our culture, and especially all the in-your-face media we are exposed to constantly show us others.  What everybody else is doing, thinking, wearing, saying.  We are shown how to be entertained, how to entertain.  We are given bits of news that are mountains made from molehills because of some political spin or somesuch.  And we interpret these wearers, doers, sayers, entertainers, and entertained as how WE should be.  How I should live.  What is expected of me by others.  Here is the truth.  This expectation of wearing, doing, blah, blah, blah, blah is a falsehood.  You can choose to buy into it or not.   Even if you have in the past, now your illness gets in the way and you are sad you can no longer curl/straighten your hair like you used to, etc.  Let go.  Just let go of it.  I GUARANTEE you will feel better.  It is too heavy and your physical, mental, and emotional ability to lift such inferred expectations is now limited.  You are not required to be like others.  In fact, you're going to be happier when you stop comparing your life with theirs.  Believe it.

Next, none of us thought we'd get sick.  We all, well most of us, had plans, dreams, goals.  I used to be just very neat.  In my ideal life, there isn't anything out of place, not in my purse, on my nightstand, in my kitchen, no where.  I like my surroundings clean and tidy.  But, that is too big a challenge to perform for me now.  I can't be neat and tidy.  It takes more energy than I have in my bank.  So, I have to let go of it.  Does it bug me when the house looks messy?  Yup.  Do I do what I can, and sometimes overdo it?  Yup.  But, I do not drag with me any expectation of what it "should" be like.  "Should" left the building when Elvis did.  Should is a guarantee of self-disappointment, in my world.  I thought I'd be married, and I am.  I thought I'd have children.  Nope.  Many my age even have grandchildren.  Again, nope.  I thought I'd have somewhere to go each day.  Nope.  I thought there would be people I'd see every day that made me feel like I was a valuable member of some group.  Again nope.  My life doesn't look like that at all.  And that's ok.  Once I let go of who I expected myself to be, I was free to become who I am.  And, btw, I'm a bit awesome.  lol
I have a very small life.  And, I have a happy life.  But, my funeral, whenever that is, won't fill any church, not by half.  Because, I am largely unknown.  I am too limited to make myself known to very many, and too limited to do what I'd like to do.  But, my limitations brought Christ deeper into my heart, so I'd not trade them.  Did I think I'd be able to run for breast cancer?  Absolutely.  Would I have liked to be able to join all the women yesterday who protested.  Uh-huh.  Do those activities fit into what my abilities allow?  Again, negatory.  So, forget about who you thought you'd become.  You are going to be left smashing your beautiful, unique, fragile head against an RPG.  It will end all kinds of bad.  Become who you are.  You are still able, whatever that looks like in your world.  Even if what you are able to do is smile, pray, think, read.  Those are glorious things.  Would I want to be able to handle myself if I were attacked in some way.  I would.  That's why I joined the self-defense class at the Y, where I met my spouse.  I wanted my life picture to include that color, that ingredient.  Does it now?  No way.  Am I super vulnerable to somebody with ill intentions?  I am.  Is that uncomfortable? Yes, yes it is.  But, that is what the picture of my life's reality looks like.  I cannot unpaint the picture.  I am unable to defend myself physically.  So, I have to learn to be ok with that.  I have to figure out how to venture into the world alone without fear.  And I have.  I encourage you to let go of what you think you "should" be doing in your life.  You are now on the little road less traveled.  The highway is the wrong path, you will suffer there.

Next, have a self-date.  Have a bunch of them.  Learn about you like you never met yourself before.  Sit, without any noise of any kind, no music, nothing.  Find quiet.  If you have to wear some earplugs, do that.  Block out the world's noise.  Close your eyes to visual stimulation.  If you don't do that easily, put on a sleep mask.  Find a place in your world where the energy feels good.  We all know what that means.  Some places you just walk in, and they feel tense, a sense of unease.  Find one that knows peace.  Get into whatever position is comfortable for you.  Breathe.  Soon, your breathing will become deeper very naturally.  You can shut up your head by guiding where it focuses.  If you focus on the muscles of your toe, you cannot think of anything else.  It creates stillness in your mind.  It gives you space for your mind itself to breathe, not just your lungs.  Just lay there in your own company and feel yourself in your skin.  Listen to your heart.  Feel compassion for yourself.  Fall in love with yourself.  You will never break your own heart.  The more you can learn to enjoy your own company, the more you will want to, you will look forward to it.  This does not create antisocial behaviors.  What it does do is prevent loneliness, a bit.  When we are comfortable being alone, it isn't such a sting when it happens against our will, or because illness necessitates it.  Learn and know yourself.  You probably rock.

Ok, so there have been a few other personal developments in life lately.  But now I must stop and go take medicine, I am 10 minutes late already.

Grateful for yesterdays group, and for my effort to get myself there.
Have happy, happy days.
M

The word of the year....

is PEACE.  I am not one to make resolutions.  I have never been one to do that.  But, a friend in a support group encouraged us all to choose one word to guide us through our year ahead.  Something that we cherish.  Something within our ability to accomplish.  Many words were listed, like joy, stamina, communication, hope, fearlessness.  Mine is peace.  When I feel peaceful, I can endure the discomfort of my body-vessel with far more ease and compassion and understanding than when I lack peace.  Without peace, anxiety creeps in.  With anxiety, fear.  And fear just opens the door to depression.  And depression is just a liar.  It tries to make me believe what I know to be untrue.  And it is very clever and many times is successful in its venture.  So, I aim to hold on to my peace.  Not let it slip or be stolen away by people,  by circumstance, by situation, by symptoms.  For that to be my priority, to take care of my peace.  Like in Home Economics class in the 7th grade, when we got eggs to care for..... so will my peace be cared for.  This is my promise to myself.

I have a full week of physical testing in front of me next week.  Also, I am now wearing braces on both my knees, which is a new thing for me.  When I take the braces off, the pain in them is just white hot.  Both feel very much like if they bend too far, something is going to snap.  I have an appointment with a doctor on Tuesday to have them seen to and assessed.  It's interesting that no matter how many different symptoms I live with constantly, new ones still alarm me.  This is one I will go get attention for.

I have gone for a full month without using any prescription migraine abortive.  The first time ever I have written that sentence.  During December, I did get some headaches.  A few times, I took Excedrin Migraine and it helped.  A few other times, I used peppermint oil, sunglasses, and a cold frogg towel, which worked to help.  Twice they were so bad that I did have to pull myself out of life, and retreat to darkness to wait it out and pray for sleep.  Only twice.  All the other ones were bearable.  Even when the remedies didn't help to decimate them all the way, they didn't get so bad that I had to remove myself from my activities to endure them.  I have tried something new and herbal called Migraine Stop which is a specially formulated magnesium that crosses the blood-brain barrier.  Both times  it worked.   The blessing it is to live without migraines cannot be understated, and I recognize the lack of head pain and thank God for it every time I think to.

May we all look toward the New Year as an opportunity to be the kind of people we were designed to be.  My tea bag this morning was meant especially for this day.  And I am taking on the challenge.

Grateful for the combination of details that make my life so easy and comfortable.  Fresh, available, abundant food and water.  A safe, secure structure to live inside.  Electricity to make life fun, easy, comfortable, the cool air in summer and heat in winter.  Plumbing, so our streets don't run with raw sewage like some areas in this world.  Access to medicines.  And simple faith.  Because faith is really the simplest of all things.  You just step off the cliff.  Grateful for my faith.  

Have happy happy happy days all.  Let's all be LIGHTHOUSES!!!!!