Thanks Mike!

I giant THANK YOU VERY MUCH to my admirable and considerate brother Mike who challenged those who know me to donate to fibromyalgia research.  The good solid cry elicited by reading your words in support of us fibromites was needed and now I am left feeling more peaceful.  I had whined previously in the week on facebook about how, being grateful that I don't have something worse, God forbid ALS, I do hope that someday there will be an ice bucket or some challenge for us.   I was jealous.   We need research too.  And Mike answered the call, the prayer.  Bring awareness.  Tell people.  This disease is apples and oranges from ALS and yet, the Marie I was in 2005, is dead.  I have grieved her loss and I do still.  The new Marie lives, copes, adapts but, this illness shut down much of what was my identity.  And I do not exaggerate when I say that I cannot imagine that it will never go away.  I can't think that way.  The depression involved is debilitating.  I don't think much past the next few weeks.    I don't plan much.  I don't hope for much.  I do have a great handful of medical professionals guiding me through life, and I am blessed with a small but solid support system.  I am blessed in so many ways but, I also have awoken in the morning, and been sorry that I did.  Facing pain is hard.  Really hard.

I am looking forward now to the first big vacation since my onset in 2005.  We always just go to families homes and spend time with loved ones or staycations.  I have been fearful about how I would  fare in different situations, different sleeping arrangements, different diet, temperatures, etc.  But, now, finally, 9 years in I am no longer afraid.  It is true that the cruise is a giant unknown but, I choose to have curiosity instead of worry.  I don't know for sure that I won't be able to constantly feel the boat engine.  I mean, I can feel the electricity inside the wall next to me so, you'd think a ginormous engine may bother me.  I don't know for sure that I will adapt in a timely enough manner to the temperature of the Pacific northwest and the Alaska coast that I will be able to enjoy the environment.  I don't know that all the other ladies on the ship might not be bathed in migraine-triggering perfumes when it is dinner time.  I just don't know.  But, I have made the decision not to be afraid anymore.  We have never been on a cruise, and frankly neither of us ever imagined needing a passport but, in a couple weeks, we will be off.  And I am so excited.  Not worried, just wondering how I will problem solve.  So when I wrote above that I don't plan much, this cruise, planned 6 months before, is new.  It is a risk.  It involves some hope.  Some faith.

http://www.fmnetnews.com/  to learn
http://www.afsafund.org/  to donate