My poor little body

For the last 2 days, and so far today, there has been stormy, cool weather as we change from summer to fall.  My body is reacting quite badly, as is per usual during season changes.  I spent all of Saturday (our 6th wedding anniversary) and all of Sunday in bed.  One of the few good things about having gone mostly grain free in my diet is that now, when I am in bed and forced to fast because of inability to get myself to food, I don't suffer as much, or at all.  I used to get a horrible migraine and feel starvation if I went only 5 hours without food but both days this week, it was more than 9 hours between my breakfast smoothie and the next time I ate or drank anything.  I would have if I had had a butler or ladies maid waiting on me, I'd have ordered some food and water, especially water.  But, I didn't have presence of mind for it.  And during times when my brain is so thoroughly erased, it is actually more effort to ask Tim to get me food and tell him what I want.  That's how hard it is to think.  Like trudging through sludge.

Today is no different.  The exception is that I've been awake 2 and a half hours and have at least gotten a couple of things done.  I am doing chores in 10/20 mode.  Ten minutes of activity, in my wheelchair mind you, followed by 20 minutes of rest.  If I stray into the 15/15 mode, I pay exponentially for it.

Unfortunately, I realize now that I haven't given the animals clean water yet this morning.  Now, I can't.  There's no strength left to do it.  I have to sleep again and hope to regenerate some more.

Anyway, the little observation I had while I got into the bath about an hour ago was this:  I actually feel sorry for my body.  I don't feel sorry for myself, it's not that.  It's as if my body were a separate thing, like a pet, or a friend's body, and I feel so sorry for it.  For not being able to ease its suffering, for just sitting by and watching.  I can't help it feel better.  All I can do is sleep so I'm not aware of its suffering, if I can stay asleep.  Also, that makes it so I, this observer Marie, sleep my life away, not getting to enjoy, not getting to really live my days, my years.  Just asleep as opposed to agony.  Yes it's an easy choice but, a crappy one.  My poor little body.  I wish I could help it.

Grateful today that I live with a healthy person.  Pray that I can keep giving my worries about my future to God to hold.  After and during days like these, those worries can terrify me.  So grateful to have a warm bed in a safe home with someone who loves me here some of the time.

Have happy days!