Saw Dr. Kroop yesterday. Will never go back to her again. She seemed unwilling more than unable to help me. Said only that I should see a psychiatrist to get the depression treated. I asked her "if I was someone you cared about, your friend or your sister - where would you have me go?" she said the psychiatrist. What a waste of $30.00 She said that she & I differ on our concerns to find out whats wrong. I want to find out why this has happened _ I want to KNOW whats wrong with me. She is done looking for whats wrong and says it doesn't really matter if the symptoms go away. She wants to control the pain only and says if it goes away then I have nothing to worry about. I want some doctor to be interested enough and curious enough that when they don't know whats wrong - they extend themselves to help find out. I was so angry in the visit that I know I raised the tone of my voice. She is notorious for interrupting but I did not let that happen, in fact I very much controlled the conversation. She said again " I know this is frustrating". I felt like saying "why would you even bother to say that to me. You cannot know the frustration I experience. It is not helpful for you to say that to me and its ingenuine". But instead I just smirked at her. She said "should we just leave the follow-up open?" I said "why would I come back to you?" She said "if something changes or if I need someone to talk to...." what a laugh.
Today, I go to a new PCP. I hope it goes better. I pray that she is at least willing to embrace me and my problems. I would like her to increase the Zoloft. I don't want to have to go to a psychiatrist for that. I also hope she gives me the Lunesta prescription that I need. Rozerem did not work. Some nights I need it.
I'd like to get a haircut today. I feel like a ragamuffin.
We ho to Stan's house in IN next week. Driving there. Maybe I'll take a sleeping pill when we leave.
I hurt so much today that I'm nervous about driving but I'm going to anyway. Its not far.
Yesterday my arm/shoulder/hand hurt so bad that I could not even grip anything with my left hand.
The phone/cable/Internet doesn't work this morning. Cell phone only.
I am trying not to feel down. Didn;t get to read to the little ones the other day.
Maybe I need to pray more. Whay is this happening to me? Am I being punished for something?
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