10/11/2016

Today is our wedding anniversary.  Eight years.  Met and became a couple four years prior.  I was in a remission from my symptoms for 14 months, including all of 2008.  So, that's when we married.  So happily married.  Just plain old blessed.

Taking a bit of time this morning to put some things down here.  Had just a lovely vacation with my family last week.  The best visit with my parents/friends/heroes in recent history.  In reflecting on why that might be the case, I realized that they were really primary caregivers for their dying daughter and helping raise her small children until she passed away last year, and now, they wear only one of those hats.  The other, blessedly, is lifted.  It was my first visit without Moni there.  I wondered how it would feel.  It felt fine.  Normal even.  I miss her, but, her presence is everywhere in both my folks home and in my brother-in-law's home.  Everyone talks about her freely and easily, and without sadness.  With joy and laughter at who she was, and that we were lucky enough to know her.  So, I'd say, it felt lovely.  Ideal, even, if there can be an ideal in the face of grief.  Not to say we are all not grieving still and missing her, but, the family is functioning in the face of the grief, I think.  I might be wrong, but that's my takeaway feeling.

I had an opportunity to watch my wedding on video for the first time.  Monica read the second reading.  Megan was about a year old.  This was before she was diagnosed.  It was such a gift to see and hear her read my favorite "Love is patient, love is kind...." that I picked for that reading.  I hope the rest of my family get to see it soon.

I've been up and down with flares, battling these headaches which continue to just plague me.  I did take more medications on the airplanes and during the trip than I'd have liked but, I decided to use them to just keep comfortable.  I'm not sure why I feel the need to justify using medication prescribed to me.  If it wasn't necessary, doctors wouldn't have given it.  But, yet, I feel the need to explain.  I will say that I am glad I had such medications at hand on the flights, and at other times during my stay.  Quality of life isn't something to toss away because of the narrow-mindedness of "not wanting to take pills".  None of us do.  For some, the need is there.

We've added another dog to our family.

 Katie, a Cairn terrier mix, is about a year old.  She's quite energetic and playful.  Just a bit destructive of soft stuff like pillows, and plush toys.  I should actually be working with her right now instead of writing since she's currently out on the patio just worn out tired.  Evy tolerates her, and she doesn't push herself on Evy, which is the best we can hope for with our elderly kitty.  Oscar and Katie are great buddies now.  It has been so fun to watch him play with another dog every day.  Something he clearly loves, and never got to do.  She fits in our home very nicely and is just as sweet as she can be.

Loving the fact that it is now fall.  Being able to stay outdoors for more than a minute at a time can be a game-changer.  It is just lovely now.

Discovered that the large tree in the center of my backyard is a pecan tree, which I love.  We gathered them every year as kids, and church members would bring us brown bags full.  Now, all I need is a nutcracker.

Constantly adjusting my thinking so I keep my head straight and away from negativity.  Tim is much happier at work in this new team he's on so, it is a huge relief to us both regarding his frame of mind.  Positive mindset is easy some days, others, it is really an effort.  Storytellers, whether they be authors of books, movies, tv, etc, generally don't tell about how hard day-to-day can be sometimes.  They tend to tell about overcoming a single big obstacle, or a series of a few, and then life is smooth sailing.  I won't have smooth seas in mine.  I know this.  To think I might is unrealistic.  I can hope, I suppose, but, I think a better use of my precious hope is to be able to continue to enjoy my life at the highest level of functioning I can and to prevent further limitations from creeping in for as long as I can.  And to stay positive.  My Father will hold my hand, so I'll have company.

Grateful today for the fact that I can enjoy the beautiful sunshine outside without feeling crippled by its light.
Have happy days!

PS:  I have rethought what I wrote earlier about storytellers and smooth sailing and realized that I'm generalizing A LOT of people I know and love who fight their way through life every day.  I know them, I know about their struggles they face every day, I know that Hollywood and stories are just there for our escapes, our entertainment.  But its easy to forget that.  None of us has it easy.  And if someone's life appears to be smooth sailing from the exterior, you can bet that there's a storm somewhere inside.  Each of us has a very specific cross.  Each of us bears it a bit differently.  But, only Hollywood promises smooth sailing.  Pure fiction.  ok.  Now I feel better having corrected myself.  :)