Some fear, indeed

I have said before, in several places and many times that I don't have fear about my life.  Well last week, my body very clearly demonstrated that I'm a liar.  And I just saw a blurb on FB that sums it up, I think.

I'm afraid because I know I can't fight forever.

That's what having this life feels like.  I will have to fight forever.

On a brighter note, I am doing well with my switch in sleeping position. Successfully on my back without changing all night for a week now.  I have no idea how this is helping me, but I trust that it is. Just the amount of pain I'm in right now would suggest that NOTHING I'm doing is helping.  lol  So, its hard to discern what to continue to do and what to discard.

Migraines are under much better control.  I have added an ever so slight amount of caffeine to my daily fluid intake throughout the day, and it does make a difference.   I add 2 full glasses of ice water to one cup of brewed tea.  Sometimes, I have half a coke zero diluted with a glass of ice water and lemon juice.  Really trying to keep it at as low a level as I can.  I want to not have to take my precious Zomig pill.  I only get 9 for a month.  I'm only "allowed" to have 9 instances where I suspect what I feel will turn into a migraine.  So, trying to hoard pills is an obvious problem.

I finally found a great therapist!  For me, the amount of good a great therapist does for me may exceed all the 4 meds I'm on put together.  Except for my migraine abortive, of course.  We only had one visit but, she already knows so much about me from how I handled that panic attack that I just intuit she and I will work well together.  So glad I fired the other one when I did and that her name was passed on to me.   It's ironic that she does not accept any private insurance, but yet she does take Medicare.  It's also important for me that she used to be an ICU nurse in younger years.  She knows about the body.  She knows about medicine.  She knows about fibromyalgia.  She was so glad that I asked my doctor for Xanax and have it in my purse and that I now carry a paper bag in my purse too.  She even told me that if I ever need to take the Xanax, to put it under my tongue and let it melt.  That way is the fastest to get into my bloodstream and begins to work within a few minutes.  Neither my doc nor my pharmacist told me that.  It takes the whole team, and now my team feels like I've got a solid quarterback.  I will see her weekly for a while.  Of the many things she asked me, "are you happily married?" was the one that brought a huge grin to my face when I said yes, and she said, "you have no idea how seldom I hear that."  Blessed.  So blessed.

We are going to adopt another dog for our home.  A smaller one.  Found one on Petfinder and was approved for her, but at the adoption event in Dallas yesterday, she nipped at Oscar twice.  But, we did find another.  I've not let myself fall in love with her but, she is a doll-face and I will be disappointed if something happens and we don't get to have her.  She's a year old Cairn terrier mix.  Good with Oscar and with the foster mom's kitties.  She's probably under 20 lbs.  If she doesn't get to be with us, at least Tim is on board with me and how desperately I need extra company sometimes.  So, another sweetie will be in our future, maybe sweet Carrie, maybe someone else.

You've no idea how exciting that is for me.  I have few things in life that I really can legitimately look forward to.  This is one.

Also, my trip to FL next month is one.  I'm not a super involved aunt like I wanted to be to all of them when they were born, but I do the best I can.

I pray so hard for this country and the world at large.  Frankly, and I will not say political things here because this is my personal space, this year makes me nervous for us all.  Again, like the title says, some fear indeed.

Well, enough now.  It is a sort of dreary Sunday.  It stormed this morning a bit, and now is just cloudy, windy, damp out.  The bottoms of my feet feel like they've maybe walked a marathon or something similar.  A very long distance on a very hard surface.  So, wheelie is in play bright and early to save the day.  Maybe not the whole day, but at least to remove that particular discomfort from my basket.

Grateful today for my shelter, my access to fresh food and water.  Grateful for my medicine and my doctors.  Grateful for electricity and air conditioning.  These foundation blessings make it so I can feel comfortable enough and think clearly enough to recognize the mega-long list of the rest of my blessings.

Have happy days!