A Rich Life

I don't fully recall what the elements in my dream were.  What I remember was waking up from it startled and yelling.  Whenever I have a dream that wakes me like that, I try to stay awake for just a few minutes at least, so I don't return to it.    Maybe some details will come back to me as the day unfolds and if so, I'll add them.  Here is what I learned during my few minutes reflecting on my dream.  Without these chronic illnesses, my life would not be so enriched.  Without them, I would be less compassionate and less empathetic.  I did have both qualities before they struck, but now the measure is far higher.  I would be very busy.  Without being so busy by stuff in the world, I have time and opportunity to reflect on things, on myself.   I recognize when help is needed and I do so if I can. I would not have friends who are also suffering, but also very compassionate, supportive, non-judging, empathetic folks too.  They'd be different.  I'd not have met the people who I now count as important to me.  I'd have a different sort of marriage, and I'd be a different sort of daughter/sister.  I might have become a mother, but there's a chance I'm a better Aunt now than I may have been able to be if I had my own kids.  My perspective is so wide open.  I share these thoughts because it lets me genuinely see some issues as positives, where before I have only been able to see them as negatives or at best, as facts.

I am grateful today to have the house to myself and also to not have to go anywhere.  I have a silly movie on about a man trapped in a cat's body.  I am trying to enjoy the day.  The weather isn't good enough for me to spend time outside.  So, I am going to bake some crackers, maybe banana bread.  I am going to let myself have up days and down days.  I am going to let myself do things that make my life more comfortable and easy without feeling guilt.  Like bringing myself home early, rather than waiting for a bus for hours.

This may seem like an odd a vague post.  But, it is part of my truth.  Part of my story.  Part of reality, my reality.

Grateful today for, believe it or not, these chronic illnesses and for who I am with them.

Have happy days.  Grateful days.  Loving days.