May

It's not that this month is uneventful, I am just having trouble grouping everything that's happening into their proper sections and figuring a way to write about them.

First, could I just say how fantastically GRATEFUL I am that my health is standing up to these last 3 tornado warning evenings without quality of life loss.  I've been able to be not only up and around, but not at all unhappy or more than medium discomfort.  This has never been the case for me before when there is severe weather.  Once, it actually robbed me of the ability to think of words to ask for help, which is quite scary, let me assure you.  Tonight and tomorrow are supposed to be more of this same kind of weather.  Its already rainy and stormy here, which began this morning, and I still feel decent.  Not in a wheelchair.  Not reaching for medicine.  Not in tears.  Basically, just LOVING LIFE.

Okay, now that that is covered, I think I can cover some other stuff without minimalizing my current situation.  I had a super lovely vacation recently with a dear relative.  I reached out to her during the time several weeks back when I felt so utterly lonely and she set this trip up for us.  Such a beautiful gift, these puzzle pieces that make up our hearts.  I now have a fantastic friend in her, as well.  I hope she feels the same.  It was a much needed change of scenery for me.  And, at the end, there was a little "brain injury" mishap on my part but, the concussion seems to have healed now and I've managed not to get another while symptoms were still on the burner.  Apparently, as long as you don't sustain another until the first one has had 7-10 days to heal, or you have no more symptoms, your brain heals from them without problem.  So says the ER doctor.

Also, a lovely bit about sustaining the "brain injury" is that I was entirely bed bound for about 2.5 days and I only got out with help to sit in my wheelchair and then have to be pushed and have help getting onto the toilet.  So, needless to say, my spouse was vital in my care.  And, we managed.  I can't remember having anyone at my beck and call like that before.  We have walkie talkies which were put into use, only because I just hate yelling.  I hate hearing it and I hate doing it.  He brought food.  He moved heating pads and brought warmer socks.  He kept the animals in food and water. And, I have to say I was honestly tempted to continue feeling "brain injured" longer than I was because, I really just wanted another day or so of the hand-maiden stuff.  When it came right down to it though, I've been up doing stuff, taking medicine, alternating with rest for several days.  It feels like horrible karma to take advantage of a caregiver for even an afternoon.  Folks who care for the sick are often changed by it psychologically and I'd not want that on my conscience.

Enrolled as a Wellness Advocate for doTerra essential oils.  I've done this really as just a partnership for my little pendants.  That way I can sell folks little samples of different oils and they don't have to dish out like $30 for a small bottle of oil, just to find out that it is not the one which works for them, or their family.  The direction that our health care system is heading frankly scares me and I want to keep as many chemicals as possible outside of my house and body.  The scents of nature are powerful.  Last night, I found that my mood changed about an hour before bed.  I couldn't figure out why, either.  Nothing had happened to cause it yet, I was in a bit of a funk.  I used two drops of a blend called Elevation on the insides of my wrists, like I would for perfume.  It smelled very good at the time I applied it.  But as it was absorbed by the pores of my skin and my personal chemistry mixed with it, IT   SMELLED   DELICIOUS.   Like, I wanted to just lick my arms, delicious.   It is hard to be in a funk when you think you are completely YUMMY.

A few folks in my world are struggling with symptoms of illness these days, and I witness some of these and hear about others.  It is truly a helpless feeling to watch loved ones suffer.  Growth is hard.  That's why when kids have growing feelings, those are called pains.  I think most all illnesses which are chronic (and these I'm referring to are) must be grieved, like any important loss.  And one of the steps of grieving is acceptance which is sometimes confused with resignation.  Resignation to me has the ring of surrender.  I am laying down now.  Just go on and run me over.  But acceptance, that means, okay, I get that things will be different, but, I'm not going to stop living.  I will figure out how to live differently.  I can still go on a cruise to Alaska, even though I have to do it differently.  I can still hope to see the Grand Canyon someday.  I can still offer compassion to others.

This is from my Minute Meditations and it struck me as so so true today that I want to share it.

In this life you now perceive great value and beauty in things that formerly you turned away from: poverty, suffering, even illness. You now understand that in the poor and lonely you behold the face of Christ. And in difficulties such as illness you see the means for you to do as Christ bade you: to take up your cross and follow him all the way to heaven.

I was one of those people who perceived value in beauty.  In abundance.  Now, I am the other kind of person.  Frankly, I wouldn't change it for anything.  It so delights me that I have tears.

In deep gratitude that I know myself.  

Have happy, happy days.