For a bit, I crocheted since I was working on a charity drive and our goal was to do as many things as possible for whatever charity we personally chose. I sent 12 hats and a dozen or so bracelets and necklaces to the Battered Women's Foundation of Fort Worth. Then I got started on slippers for my sister and a hat & scarf set for my sister-in-law. I love to work with my yarn. I especially love when I find a pattern with a stitch that is soothing rhythmically and doesn't require a lot of counting. I haven't been crocheting for very long and have only had individual instruction once so, I think I'm quite good, considering that. But, when I have to carefully count specific stitches and gauge is critical, that's when mistakes are made, especially by folks like me. Let's just say that one of Moni's slippers wasn't exactly the same color throughout. Very, very, super close, but not exactly. So, I call it a one-of-a-kind uniquely crafted piece of fiber art made for her very own foot. (It's a handy thing being good with words.) I am trying to improve, but not in any goal oriented way. I can produce better results if it is all I'm doing but, then the book has to be turned off. I can do it to music of course but, I'm sort of addicted to stories so, books are my thing to listen to.
Then I cooked for a bit and refilled my freezer with enough prepared stuff so that I don't scramble for dinner. I know it shouldn't seem like I'd ever scramble for dinner since I'm home all day and can take my time choosing what to have or make but, not so. I don't handle the last minute pressure of him being at home already and asking what's for dinner. If I don't have an answer for that, it freaks me out a bit. Also, I think because he doesn't cook, he doesn't get that raw meat (and really cooked meat, too) thawed in the microwave is less desirable than if it were left to thaw at room temperature. Or, it is for me at least. Anyway, I usually take something out of the freezer and about half the time he doesn't feel like having that. He never complains. He is very happy eating something else. But I am left feeling like I did it wrong.
Also, in the last month, I discovered I am an empath. (I think there are people out there who would say this was "New Agey" and not a real thing, similar to psychics.) It is not the same as being psychic. It means the ability to feel is enhanced, which actually makes sense with my particular disability. A friend brought this to my attention. I had mixed feelings about this for a couple weeks and it was hard to come to terms with. I didn't doubt it, when the books I got described types of people, I'm one of them. There's no question. So, the thing to do about it now is to make sure I continue to pay careful attention to whatever and whoever in the world has access to me, stimulation wise. Its unhealthy for me to just wander through the world like most folks can. I have to do things and go places with deliberation and purpose, or not go. And, I have to choose folks to be in my world by their quality and peacefulness. Since my world already involves so few people, it is likely that when my energy is depleted or changed for the negative, it is due mostly to environmental causes or to hanging on energies in the larger world around me, both of which I don't have control. I will try to work on constructing any further mental barriers which could help separate me from feeling too much.
I spent some time making terra-cotta essential oil pendants this week. It was a brand new creative endeavor for me and I LOVED it. It was surprisingly delightful to sit there with clay and create. I have posted them for sale. The trouble is that if I do it for maybe 2 mornings about 2 hours each, I end up with a couple dozen pendants. They are going to pile up quick at that rate. Unless I find a Massage Envy who wants to put them on their front desks for sale, I doubt I will be able to get rid of them as quickly as I'd like to make them.
So, that's a quick catch up of life inside me. I had some very down days not very long ago. But, I floated up as the waters rose and felt better. Had a couple lovely "play-dates" with other women friends, which I don't get to do often enough. That was overdue. And entirely enjoyed
I have decided I am going to try to describe my days differently to you. Previously, I have used the words good and bad as descriptors for how I felt each day. That's value based and sets me up for feeling some blame when all I did was wake up with severe symptoms. So, I'm going to try out other things like "I'm not symptomatic today or Symptoms are severe now". Maybe I could try "Life feels difficult today or A piece of cake day". If I can remember to do that and retrain my thinking, I bet I would feel mentally better on days I'm currently calling "bad". Today, by the way, is a difficult day so far.
Grateful today for plans to get away soon with a dear, dear loved one. And deep gratitude that I floated back up when the waters rose.
Have happy, happy days. They're the only days we get. Don't waste them.
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