This is more like it

So, just three days ago I was writing about being on guard for the other shoe to drop.  It did.  And here is my epiphany.  I am fully at a state where this level of pain is what feels normal to me.  I have lived with this long enough and survived well enough that I am even more at ease when I have some symptoms as opposed to none.  When there are none, I'm on guard, which is stressful.  I actively prevent stress where I can so, having no symptoms is counterproductive.  When there are some, I successfully cope.  When they get worse, I respond successfully to that as well.  And I have lived through many a time when I was in pain such that I thought I would die.  And I haven't ever died.  So, this level of medium pain is normal for me.  It is my usual self now.  I have copied this from a FaceBook page and am pasting it here for information sake.

I do understand, for those who are purists, this is incredibly unscientific.  But, unfortunately, there are so few ways to relate pain since it is so subjective.  What I was feeling for some weeks was probably about a 2-5 level.  Yesterday though, I got to about 9.  Today, still being 9 am, I am already at 8.  But, delightfully enough, I do not feel discouraged, dismayed, hindered, or even down.  I just feel normal.  I feel empowered with the knowledge that I know how to live with this.  I feel confident that I control as much as I can and that my strength of faith will carry me the rest of the way.  I feel fine.  Not my nerve endings, mind you.  My heart and my mind.  My nerve endings are mewling and whining like kittens and puppies do when they are especially hungry or lonely or scared.  When they start howling and yowling (levels 12+) as if they are in pain, I will still know my faith, although my personal power will be diminished because it affects my thinking so much. I might, because I have before, forget that I have some power.  I probably will be confused about, well, everything.  But, my faith will remain.  And that, I can have absolute confidence in.  That, I would get tattooed on me if ever I were to do have one done.  The word FAITH.  About that, I am never, ever confused.  That is why, no, not why but how I survive. 

Feeling thankful that I am using my coping muscles successfully today.  Enjoying remembering the days recently when I didn't need them but, grateful that I can rely on them to work for me now.  Thankful for my faith.

Have happy, happy days!