Today is one of the days when sometimes I long for consistency. Humans love consistency. I crave being able to rely on my body but I can't. I can rely on it for being unreliable. Sometimes that is the hardest part. Part of me longs to be at whatever plateau of health and just to stick there so I know what I'm capable of and can better predict what kinds of things I can comfortably do. The other part of me, the grateful part, is truly thankful for the good days when I feel relatively well. It's just hard to fully express how disappointing and distressing it is when the change happens. And even now, eight years after the onset, I feel the need to try to explain the change to whomever speaks to me and asks.
I'm missing worshiping with people. I'm missing volunteering some time. I'm missing my family. Missing a lot right now. Need to find a few things to smile about. Science says that when we smile, it releases chemicals in our brains that make us happier. Neurochemical transmitters are on the lookout for those smile muscles and go into action to turn the smile from a forced to a natural state. Need to do some smiling now.
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