Practicing what I know

I have been struggling for a couple of weeks with feeling lonely and forgotten.  During this winter, most of my friends and neighbors have been ill at some point and, I have kept a distance in order to preserve my health.  But, the result has been that I really only have interaction with my husband and on the phone.  I did not want to recognize the loneliness becuase it reeked of self-pity to me and I was ashamed of it.  But the fact is that what I feel is the TRUTH of me.  It is information that I can use to take an informed step.  I attached the self-pity label to it, no one else did that.  Finally yesterday, I shared these feelings with 2 people.  They discussed it with me briefly so that I knew I had been heard and understood.  No solutions were found.  But, I feel SO much better today.  I know my soul works this way but I forgot. 

Just in recognizing and, more importantly, validating what I felt, the isolation and loneliness, I was able to handle it.  It became something I could work with and mold instead of something hanging over me out of reach and menacing.  It helped me deeply to speak of it and own it.  Last night's dream was of me, with my current condition, as the most important person in a huge crowd of people.  Admired and cherished by them all.  Many went to personal trouble and sacrifice to help and protect me.  None tried to fix me, they just endeavored to make my life easier in the face of the fibro.  I woke with a smile on my face.  I dreamed myself as I am.  Loved by many and far from forgotten.  And so today, I reflect on practicing this validation of what I feel, whatever it is.  Only then can it be held and owned and dealt with.  And learned from. 

My mood is far better today.  I am still here by myself, no one is calling, but I am at peace and not missing people.  I am far from self-pity.  I am grateful for the insight and my huge list of blessings.  All because I admitted something that is normal.  Loneliness is normal.