This Is Unbelievable

It's 3 weeks into walking every morning and doing my coffee therapy twice a day.  How good I feel cannot be understated.    Now, I simply will always have parts and pieces of me that are uncomfortable and painful, that is down to the weakness in my collagen at a cellular level.  I'm wearing knee and foot compression sleeves.  I'm sitting with my knees bent propped on pillows so I can keep them properly flexed.  I have a low-simmer headache.  ( It was about a 5 an hour ago, but I did my therapy, which reliably, predictably, brought it down to a 3. )  But, I honestly cannot remember what feeling this good felt like.  So, here I am to document it.  The reality is that it might change.  And if it does, when it does, I want to be ready to look here to read the proof.  Because that means it could change again for the better. 

Yesterday, during the walk, Tim said "You seem to be doing much better cognitively."  Those 8 words are the equivalent in excitement as if he'd said, "You know, I have booked a private plane for us to travel to Paris with the dogs and you can bring however many friends and family you'd like to.  We also have a private chef traveling with us."  So, yeah.  Being able to think clearly is sorta like being born again.  There's no thick clam chowder in my head to swim through.  It's clear chicken broth all the way.  Yes, now and then I do hit a noodle or a veggie, but, I can maneuver around it easier and quicker.

Also yesterday, at the Target before I had my eye check-up and picked new glasses, I bought lip gloss.  Yes. I spent $7 on frilly, girly, silliness because I finally feel girly and lip-glossy again.  I honestly never thought I'd see this day.  And I'm wearing it now, although I'm not leaving the house today, and T won't be home for 8 hours.

I have decreased my sleeping med from 7.5 mg to 2.5 mg.  In another few days, I'm going to try sleeping without it.  I don't have any pain when I lie down for bed.  I don't use my weighted blanket.  My nerves are calmer.  I don't hurt.

I blow-dry my new blue shaggy bob with bangs haircut every day.  I have blown my hair dry more in the last 3 weeks than I have in the last 5 years.  Because I can hold a blow dryer without pain.  It doesn't bother me.

I shower.  Not a bath.  A shower.

I have energy before bed to clean my kitchen and do a quick hand wash of whatever pots or skillets I dirtied for dinner.  I get to wake up to a clean kitchen.

I cook.  No more frozen meals.  I can cook.  I love to.

I make my bed.

I am putting thought into where I might like to volunteer one day a week, the library? a nursing home?  animal shelter?

Activities on-deck:  Co-sleeping with my spouse again.  Church.  These can't be overstated in their meaningfulness in my life.  Being married, but having to sleep alone is hard.  On both parties.  And, when you want to go to church, but it is literally too painful of an experience to have, well, that just sucks.

I'm going to call my psychiatrist this morning and inform him that I'm going to try a few days with a half dose of my anti-depressant.  I have an appointment with him in 2 weeks, so, this will be an excellent time to give this a shot.

I'm interested in people again.  I'm listening to these storytelling podcasts, and I can't get enough of them.  The Moth.

I do a moderate amount of housework every day.  Floors.  Kitchen.  Bathrooms.  Any one of those things would have taken days to do alone just little while back.

I have physical confidence again.  This is literally the ability to know what my body is capable of doing at any given time.  I am trusting it.  I am still taking premium care of it, but now, there is less to do, because the issues are diminished.  With so much inflammation reduced, I'm no longer reactive to environmental stimuli as I was.  Strong scents still bother me, but, I put on my peppermint mask, and I'm ok.  I can tolerate the situation.  It doesn't always make me worse.  My nervous system is no longer on high-alert so, I can tolerate some non-shaded sunshine.  I can.  I. Can. Be. In. Sunshine.  Just take that in for a minute.

My gratitude for the above, and for how it impacts all those who love me, including these 3 critters, cannot be measured.  Impact causes waves, ripples.  And we all make impact, whether purposeful or accidental, on those around us.  And the impact I make now, well, lets just say, I'm the Marie I was meant to be.  I make sure of it.  I put effort into it.  Because this might not last.  And I am going to soak up every single second I'm given, and I'm going to try to live so that others may know God by witnessing my light.  And "Those who keep trying can never be defeated".  A Hindu quote I heard on today's podcast.

I won't be defeated.  I will thrive.  My gratitude is inexpressible with this finite English language, she types, as her eyes are full of tears of joy.

Wishing His Blessings.