Feeling good in May

I don't have much complaining to do this morning.  T is back at work, satisfied with his new job.  The commute time is a bear but, it is doable for the next month.  He takes a train for most of it, so it isn't a stressful commute, at least.  I am enjoying my quiet house and my time with myself and God.  Also, the critters.  Slowly and surely packing my house up.  Poor Oscar, who grew up in this house from a puppy, knows something is up, but doesn't know what.  I've taken all the curtains down and washed and packed them.  Yesterday, he just sat in the living room and watched me and let out a bark about every 2 minutes.  "Um, why are you doing that?  What's going on and does it include me?"  All day he asked this. Well, he did take a break for nap time, which I'm grateful for.  I've been getting up at 6ish to spend some time with T in the mornings before he goes in, so nap time is again a must in my day.  It feels good to have a schedule again.

Trying to help him out further by mowing the lawn.  It is something he can do in 30 minutes.  So, yesterday morning, it took me at least 30 minutes to do the front and one side.  Today, in another half hour or so when the dew is dry, I'll tackle the backyard and the other side.  It is pretty hard on my body, taking in all that vibration.  Feels like I've stuck all my fingers in electric sockets.  One of those things that I have to forcibly take my mind off how it feels and focus on doing the actual task, or I would never be able to endure it.

It is telling, all the stuff we surround ourselves with to make these boxes feel personal, like our homes.  I can observe my growth by seeing what I move from place to place.  I can let things go, or decide it's not time yet.  Thinking of so many lovely objects, for me it is okay if they are somewhere else, like a store or a museum, a place where I can go see them, but they don't crowd my space.  As I grow older, the less stuff I want around me.  My poor mind feels so sluggish sometimes, and I know one sure way to help it's clarity is to keep unnecessary items to a minimum.  That being said, I do have a sentimental heart.  Maybe the thing to do at my new house is to just unpack some of the stuff, or do it slowly instead of all at once.  It's just that I like looking at my stuff.  Even though I don't have a lot of it, what I do have, I've kept for a reason.  Maybe I'll just photograph some of it, that way I can have it in my memory, but not have to keep the actual things..... we'll see.

I took a big step the other day and sent in a sample for my DNA to be tested.  I am trying to find out if I have a specific gene mutation.  If I do, it is in fact the cause of my illness.  That is huge.  To uncover the reason I have fibromyalgia.  It is almost too big for me to take in because for so long I've just had to live with it, whatever the reason.  It is a genetic flaw that has to do with the body's ability to absorb folate.  It is called MTHFR mutation.  It is a defect in the fundamental chemistry of how our cells grow and work.  It can be blamed for many, many diseases, from heart disease, to thyroid cancer, to diabetes, to depression.  And, if I have it, which I think I do, it is why I have fibromyalgia.  If this turns out to be true, the personal relief for me, even though I didn't think I held myself responsible for getting sick, is going to be monumental.  I didn't realize it until I put it in the mailbox the other day.  But I thought, just out of nowhere, "this might not be my fault after all".  I still carry around the wonder about what I did to make this happen to me.  I still think back and wonder, maybe if I'd been more careful, if I hadn't fallen that day at work, if this, if that, I wouldn't have gotten sick.  I wouldn't have lost so much.  If I can blame it on a genetic building block at a cellular level, I will feel weightless.

The tragi piercings continue to keep my migraines at bay.  A sweeter sentence never was written.

Well I have delayed the lawn mowing project long enough.  Time to tackle.  I hope I can move after.

With such a grateful heart for all the abundance in my life, from clean water to proper sewage to my sweet provider with his horrid commute, I am happy.  My knee really hurts but, I am so happy.