https://www.facebook.com/StevenJoTV/videos/1188786691150807/?theater
Above is the link to the clip of today's joyful tears. I love to cry joyful tears, it feels like I'm leaking silk or something. But, unfortunately, even though I have the life situation to be able to do it anytime, since I don't have to work or raise children, it can bring on a lot of pain. So, while it feels like the most beautiful gift to be in the presence of the love of the Lord, as the above video made me feel, it also keeps me aware of my challenges and limitations. It's nice, no, more than nice, to find that my list of blessings and my list of challenges match. I am. I try each day to grow closer to Him. I use the energy I find during each of my days to do what I can to keep myself fed and keep us in clean clothes. If I have more, I do more. But, I no longer lament. I no longer wish. I no longer yearn. Instead, I pray. Really its more like mental chatting than prayer. I'm not too much into the formal kind, unless my thinking is so impaired that I cannot come up with my own original thoughts. Then, I always rely on my Hail Marys.
I got one chore done today which I've tried to get done since Christmas. And I'm happy with it. New tags for my little essential oil bags on Etsy. Not a very substantial accomplishment for some out there, but for me quite big, and I'm quite proud. Others can have different sources of pride. Every single one of us has a burden. Mine is physically painful. I didn't come from a broken home, I have never been homeless or hungry. I wasn't born into a country at war. I have a mind that can learn. I believe in God. I am not addicted to anything. (OK, maybe I am addicted to 10 mg of Valium at bedtime. Can't sleep without it at all nowadays. Also, addicted to Mozart in the Jungle on Amazon Prime.) I am stable mentally and emotionally. Physically, I have taken great care of my body during my life and I enjoy the fact that I look much as I did when I was 30, seventeen years ago. But, I do live in pain. That is my thing. Sure, there are some other things in my past which I have battle scars from to prove my fight. But, in fact, they are on the blessing list too. Those battles built me. These battles now continue to build. And a video like the one above just gave my skyscraper another floor. It affirms my life.
Grateful that I have the capacity to love others and to receive love in return. Grateful for the humility learned by dependence, even if it had to be forced on me.
Have happy happy days
I check your blog every few days. I do miss your posts. You are and endless inspiration to me.
ReplyDelete