Surprisingly Moderate

The weather has been rough here for a few days.  In fact last night there was a tornado warning at 3 am for about 30 min or so.  Weather like that usually creates a combo of symptoms that have me feeling, let's see how to put this, like I've dropped into a conscious coma and been set on fire.  Yes, I think that does it.  So, imagine my surprise and delight at my ability to walk around a bit and do a few chores in a row.  I love moderation.

Bittersweet that the fall used to be my favorite season but now, it really is my most painful one.  I haven't been out to pilates for 2 weeks.  I hope to go tomorrow.  We'll just see how today and tomorrow morning go.

I am still keeping my waking hours as full of pleasant things as I can, although, sometimes pleasant things have a third or fourth row seat to the show that is ME.  And a few days ago I began selling some of my little creations on Etsy which does connect me to the world at large again.  I so miss that connection.  Last week one day I had to reach for my narcotic pain med 3 times, which I've never done in 10 years.  I was actually only out of bed that day for about 30 minutes, in spurts.  This week is better so far.  I try hard not to need to reach for the hydrocodone and I usually succeed.  I can go for many, many months and handle my pain in a way other than pharmaceutical.  I used to see relying on the pain meds as a weakness, or a surrender if you will.  Not anymore.  Not at all for me to judge.  If a person in pain cannot handle it, whether they have tried something else or not, let them have medicine.  The time to talk and think about how to handle pain is not when you're IN the pain.  It has to be when you're in a valley, not a peak.  I have to plan to be in pain.  I have to know what to do, how to think, how to treat myself, how to speak to people so they can understand me.  It's a whole different version of me.  But by the time I get to the peak of the mountain it's too late to expect me to be able to do anything except survive it and follow a rudimentary plan of action.  Some folks might not know how to make a plan.  Some may not realize that a strategy is even necessary or helpful.  And I think they are the ones who do rely so heavily on narcotics.  Further, I feel for them now.  I feel a compassion that was not in me before.  I used to think they took the easy way out.  Really, they are taking the only way out.  The only other way out is a permanent one that we need not address here, in this "joyful and thankful" post.  lol.

My little support group of ladies is made up of 6 of us who all have my illness.  All of us have some extra different disease dangling from the bracelet, if you will.  One has rheumatoid arthritis, one has bipolar, it goes on and on.  Anyway, we haven't been well enough to all meet for a month now and I miss them so.  We meet on Mondays and the texts keep saying "can't get out of bed"  or  "have a migraine" or "unsafe to make the drive".  A motley crew we are.  But I told them yesterday that at least we now have each other to share those things with.  Before them, I had few people I could just pick up my phone and talk to who would TRULY know what I was going through.  Now, even though we aren't getting together, at least the Lord has put us all on a cross-path and we were able to meet.

Today I am thankful for the fact that I am ambulatory despite the crap weather and that my home did not become damaged in the tornado last night.  Also, I've lost 19 out of the 30 pound goal I'm working on, so, thankful my efforts are paying off.  Yay me!!