Saturday, March 7, 2015

True escape for three hours

Maybe I shouldn't call it escape.  Maybe it was more like a vacation.  My life is not a prison to return to, but an interesting and challenging combo of environments and blessings which can, without a break, feel overwhelming at times.  I went to my first ever knitting circle this morning.  These ladies meet once a month about half an hour away from me.  Here is one of the most lovely things about the group.  None of them knew me.  No one asked how I'd been feeling.  No one said, oh it must be the weather.  I used my cane and took things slow when I did need to walk but, there was no questioning whatsoever (it would have been rude, really) about my health.  I got to pretend to be a regular gal.  For 3 whole hours.  There were 13 of us at the end of the time and we all just chatted about books, movies, what projects we're working on, the traffic somewhere, home schooling, food, husbands, etc.  Normal things.  It was not a support group.  It was a group of friends.  They were happy to have me there.  It is the usual thing to leave the morning with more yarn than you arrived with.  Somehow, donations of yarn are made to the lady who runs the group and passed along to whomever, and I brought a huge bag of yarn home with me.  Ladies were throwing finished 9x9 squares across the table to each other for specific blankets.  Holding up the little pink sweaters for admiration.  Taking note of which author one of them said was fabulous and which TV show to look for on Netflix.  Also, I think I was the only one who didn't bring food to share.  There was a plethora of desserts, salads, coffees, fruits to be had.  The word fibromyalgia did not come up.  No one talked about any of their own problems.  Just shared the experience of enjoying the company of those who love to do what they do.

I don't know if I can accurately articulate just how badly I needed a vacation like this one today.  I needed to be around some people who don't know me.  Who take me in for just a bit socially, and who didn't delve deep enough that any bit of the conversation had to do with me or my health.  They asked me to return just based on what small parts of me I showed them.  I got to feel like a regular woman.  I have forgotten what that feels like.  Now that I'm home, I don't feel that way anymore as I cannot even walk from the car through the garage to the door without help.  Not regular help from my cane, either.  I had my cane and it was not anywhere near enough.  Tim had to bear most of my weight to get me inside to the wheelchair.  The small miracle of those 3 hours of normalcy is not lost on me.  I hold huge gratitude for it.

Grateful for the courage it took to reach out and put myself in such an unknown situation alone.  Grateful that it was worth the risk.  Grateful to Tim who taxis me around without complaint.  Grateful that I have something on my calendar to look forward to.  Grateful there is something on my calendar at all, besides doctors appointments.

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