I know it may seem like I only write to you when things are quite bad and I'm struggling. I hope that's not entirely true but, it is today.
There I was, just skating along the sweet frozen pond of life. Sure, carrying my share of obstacles, but still moving forward. So, at 1 pm today when I laid down for my nap, I missed the memo which reads "Brick wall installation during nap time. You will hit it doing about 80 on a bicycle, old school style, no helmet, no padding". I don't know what I might have done if I had had that heads up but, the surprise explosion inside me is, well, I guess just crap. Before nap time, pain level, maybe 4. After nap, and in fact upon waking, pain level, 11. Now that's a LARGE margin.
I have been trying to take good care of myself. I am newly on a medicine called Depakote which is an anti-seizure med but is frequently used for migraine prevention. I can already tell a big difference in the frequency of my headaches. The doctor I trust the most on my team prescribed it so, I go into it with high hopes.
I feel encouraged that I managed a long holiday trip of travel without undue stress. Yes, super painful. No, I didn't want to die or wish I had stayed home. At the end of the visit, I would not have changed much if I could have. Visits like those, sometimes I don't get to have a real conversation with an adult because it seems to become all about the kids. And I do very badly want to grow a relationship with my nieces and nephew but, I'm not sure my brother and I spoke. And I don't understand why.
So, positives. I stumbled upon some fantastic bracelets which are Hindu based. I bought them from my friend, hoping to like them but not expecting what a world of difference they would make for me. They are handmade out of organic fibers but, they have 8 tiny bells worked into the weave. It is meant to bring us back to the present moment, being mindful not to live in the past or future. I have tried wearing it on my dominant and my non-dominant hand and my dominant hand has the best effect. The bracelets are called Blessing of Bells. And it does create the mindfulness in me that I seek. I have been actually truly considering getting a tattoo on my arm or hand of a word or a phrase or something to help me be mindful and I even talked with Tim about this. He said he thought me getting a tattoo at all might give me a heart attack. I don't have any, and I don't necessarily want one but, I do want to be reminded of the key pieces of truth in my own life. Reading a tattoo is one way, but, so is hearing a bell every time your hand and arm move. I just love them.
The holiday season sort of snuck by under the radar this year. I did not decorate. Every gift I did give with one exception was acquired online. And just today, I finally got some of my cards out.
The other human half of my household has the "ickies", started in his head, went to his chest, several days now. No fever. Just sort of waiting it out. But, regardless of how careful I am, I think this brick wall I hit is a combo pkg of the start of the "ickies" and this cold wet weather finally getting in my bones.
Grateful today that my neighbor is willing and able to run to the grocery store for us with a small list. Tim is in no shape to be out, and it would only multiply my misery. Thank you for Steven, Lord. And thank you for the humility you provide that I could ask for help.
Have happy days!
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