Inspired by others

So, so grateful to the DFW Fibro Support Group and its Leadership Team and that I was able to attend yesterday's meeting.  Inspired now to write just a bit.
Firstly, I would like to encourage any of you pain warriors to follow a couple tips that I wish I'd have taken in the early years.
1.  Let go of what you think society expects of you.
2.  Let go of what you think your life should look like.
3.  Develop the skill to sit with your own company.  Just you.  No phone, no bike, no motorcar, not a single luxury, like Robinson Caruso, as primitive as can be.  Ok.  Sorry, for the Gilligan digression.  Seriously, you need to get to know yourself better than you do.  Trust me.

Society, our culture, and especially all the in-your-face media we are exposed to constantly show us others.  What everybody else is doing, thinking, wearing, saying.  We are shown how to be entertained, how to entertain.  We are given bits of news that are mountains made from molehills because of some political spin or somesuch.  And we interpret these wearers, doers, sayers, entertainers, and entertained as how WE should be.  How I should live.  What is expected of me by others.  Here is the truth.  This expectation of wearing, doing, blah, blah, blah, blah is a falsehood.  You can choose to buy into it or not.   Even if you have in the past, now your illness gets in the way and you are sad you can no longer curl/straighten your hair like you used to, etc.  Let go.  Just let go of it.  I GUARANTEE you will feel better.  It is too heavy and your physical, mental, and emotional ability to lift such inferred expectations is now limited.  You are not required to be like others.  In fact, you're going to be happier when you stop comparing your life with theirs.  Believe it.

Next, none of us thought we'd get sick.  We all, well most of us, had plans, dreams, goals.  I used to be just very neat.  In my ideal life, there isn't anything out of place, not in my purse, on my nightstand, in my kitchen, no where.  I like my surroundings clean and tidy.  But, that is too big a challenge to perform for me now.  I can't be neat and tidy.  It takes more energy than I have in my bank.  So, I have to let go of it.  Does it bug me when the house looks messy?  Yup.  Do I do what I can, and sometimes overdo it?  Yup.  But, I do not drag with me any expectation of what it "should" be like.  "Should" left the building when Elvis did.  Should is a guarantee of self-disappointment, in my world.  I thought I'd be married, and I am.  I thought I'd have children.  Nope.  Many my age even have grandchildren.  Again, nope.  I thought I'd have somewhere to go each day.  Nope.  I thought there would be people I'd see every day that made me feel like I was a valuable member of some group.  Again nope.  My life doesn't look like that at all.  And that's ok.  Once I let go of who I expected myself to be, I was free to become who I am.  And, btw, I'm a bit awesome.  lol
I have a very small life.  And, I have a happy life.  But, my funeral, whenever that is, won't fill any church, not by half.  Because, I am largely unknown.  I am too limited to make myself known to very many, and too limited to do what I'd like to do.  But, my limitations brought Christ deeper into my heart, so I'd not trade them.  Did I think I'd be able to run for breast cancer?  Absolutely.  Would I have liked to be able to join all the women yesterday who protested.  Uh-huh.  Do those activities fit into what my abilities allow?  Again, negatory.  So, forget about who you thought you'd become.  You are going to be left smashing your beautiful, unique, fragile head against an RPG.  It will end all kinds of bad.  Become who you are.  You are still able, whatever that looks like in your world.  Even if what you are able to do is smile, pray, think, read.  Those are glorious things.  Would I want to be able to handle myself if I were attacked in some way.  I would.  That's why I joined the self-defense class at the Y, where I met my spouse.  I wanted my life picture to include that color, that ingredient.  Does it now?  No way.  Am I super vulnerable to somebody with ill intentions?  I am.  Is that uncomfortable? Yes, yes it is.  But, that is what the picture of my life's reality looks like.  I cannot unpaint the picture.  I am unable to defend myself physically.  So, I have to learn to be ok with that.  I have to figure out how to venture into the world alone without fear.  And I have.  I encourage you to let go of what you think you "should" be doing in your life.  You are now on the little road less traveled.  The highway is the wrong path, you will suffer there.

Next, have a self-date.  Have a bunch of them.  Learn about you like you never met yourself before.  Sit, without any noise of any kind, no music, nothing.  Find quiet.  If you have to wear some earplugs, do that.  Block out the world's noise.  Close your eyes to visual stimulation.  If you don't do that easily, put on a sleep mask.  Find a place in your world where the energy feels good.  We all know what that means.  Some places you just walk in, and they feel tense, a sense of unease.  Find one that knows peace.  Get into whatever position is comfortable for you.  Breathe.  Soon, your breathing will become deeper very naturally.  You can shut up your head by guiding where it focuses.  If you focus on the muscles of your toe, you cannot think of anything else.  It creates stillness in your mind.  It gives you space for your mind itself to breathe, not just your lungs.  Just lay there in your own company and feel yourself in your skin.  Listen to your heart.  Feel compassion for yourself.  Fall in love with yourself.  You will never break your own heart.  The more you can learn to enjoy your own company, the more you will want to, you will look forward to it.  This does not create antisocial behaviors.  What it does do is prevent loneliness, a bit.  When we are comfortable being alone, it isn't such a sting when it happens against our will, or because illness necessitates it.  Learn and know yourself.  You probably rock.

Ok, so there have been a few other personal developments in life lately.  But now I must stop and go take medicine, I am 10 minutes late already.

Grateful for yesterdays group, and for my effort to get myself there.
Have happy, happy days.
M