Recipes in My Life (not for eating)

I save us so much money by doing a few things that are truly easy, if not I'd likely not embrace them so well, and they are so good for us.  I eliminate chemicals that I don't want around by making stuff out of natural elements.  Thought I'd compile a list of what I use on a daily basis so y'all can see how easy it is to stop paying $13.00 for detergent and 4.00 for deodorant, etc.  I'm not hardcore at this DIY stuff-making.  I still buy shampoo and conditioner, but it's on the horizon to get changed next.  I still use toothpaste and mouthwash.  Also I still use brand toilet bowl cleaner and dishwasher gel (I did try a few DIY dishwasher soap recipes, and was not satisfied with the results so, for now it's still Cascade).  Most all the rest, I make.  And when you make the stuff, you can customize the stuff.  Lovely.  These specific recipes are the ones I use in my home and life all the time.  If I use hair spray, I use this.  It's more like scrunch spray than finishing spray.  I only wash myself with this body wash.  Only this deodorant, and I don't refrigerate mine.   I only do my dishes with this.  I only scrub my bathtub with this.  So, they work.  And I think they work well.  The one caveat I will add is that the laundry soap doesn't help things stay white.  So, if you are a white whites purist, you'll want to beware.  Whites in this house are dull.  They aren't a priority for me.  They are clean, that is all we need.  Enjoy.

PS: I did not author any of these.  They are all found online and many folks use them.  Again, not my creation.

Hair Spray

Ingredients

·         1 cup of hot water (not boiling)- Can also use strong Chamomile Tea as the base if you want to lighten hair or black tea as the base if you want to darken hair, but you will need to keep in the fridge.

·         2 tablespoons Epsom salts (or more for extra texture)

·         1/2 tsp Himalayan or Sea Salt (optional but adds stiffness)

·         1 teaspoon aloe vera gel

·         1/2 tsp conditioner (optional- don’t use if you have fine/oily hair)

·         Optional: a few drops of essential oils or a spritz of your favorite perfume for scent- Lavender and citrus are great options

·         Optional: 1 teaspoon lemon juice and 1 teaspoon vodka or alcohol- if you want to lighten hair (the lemon juice lightens and the alcohol preserves)

Hair Spray Instructions

1.   Get a spray bottle that holds at least 10 ounces. I used a glass bottle made from an old apple cider vinegar bottle and a regular spray top. I also tripled the recipe to accommodate the size of my bottle.

2.   Put the hot water (or tea) in the spray bottle and add the Epsom salts, sea salt (optional), aloe vera, conditioner, scent (optional) and lemon juice/vodka (if using).

3.   Put the cap on the bottle and shake for 1-2 minutes or until Epsom salts and sea salt are dissolved. Store in the fridge if using lemon juice or tea base, or at room temperature if you aren’t. Will last 3-4 months or longer.

Herbal Bedtime Tea

Ingredients
*Purchase organically-grown or wildcrafted herbs whenever possible. Parts are measured by volume not weight.

-3 parts chamomile flowers
-2 parts lemon balm
-1 part catnip
-1 part oatstraw
-1 part passionflower
-1/4 part hop flowers
-1/4 part valerian root

Method

1.    Measure the parts of each of the herbs listed and mix in a large bowl until well combined.

2.    Grab your tea accessories, tea infusers, and/or tea pots…and brew a cup! (Note: I get all of my loose leaf tea-making supplies online from Mountain Rose Herbs.)

3.    This herbal tea blend will keep stored in a cool, dark place for approximately 6 months. (Note: I like to store all of my teas in glass jars with tight-fitting lids.)

4.    This tea is mild enough to use nightly. Take a cup 30 minutes before bed.

Homemade Muscle Rub Recipe

The blends below start at a 5% dilution, which combined with the cayenne-infused oil should be sufficient for most situations. However, in some cases you may find that more is needed to relax and soothe. A 10-20% dilution is considered appropriate for very sore muscles if used only on an occasional basis. To increase the dilution ratio to 10%, simply double the number of drops. To increase it to 15%, triple the number of drops. To increase it to 20%, quadruple the number of drops.

INGREDIENTS

·         4 fluid ounces (1/2 cup) melted coconut oil – this will yields about 2 fluid ounces of infused oil (where to buy coconut oil)

·         4 fluid ounces (1/2 cup) shea butter (where to buy shea butter)

·         2 tablespoons grated beeswax, tightly packed (where to buy beeswax)

·         2 tablespoons cayenne pepper (where to buy cayenne)

·         100 drops peppermint essential oil or eucalyptus globulus – 50 drops of wintergreen essential oil can be used in place of peppermint or eucalyptus, but please read the cautions below before including it (where to buy peppermint essential oil, where to buy eucalyptus essential oil, where to buy wintergreen essential oil)

·         40 drops copaiba essential oil (where to buy copaiba essential oil)

·         40 drops juniper berry essential oil (where to buy juniper berry essential oil)

*Note About Wintergreen Essential Oil: This oil should be avoided by pregnant and breastfeeding mamas, children, anyone on anticoagulant medication, anyone who has recently undergone surgery or will soon undergo surgery, individuals with hemophilia or other bleeding disorders, and anyone who has a salicylate sensitivity (this often applies to individuals with ADD/ADHD). (Source: Essential Oil Safety)Individuals with the MTHFR mutation may also have a problem with wintergreen due to it’s high salicylate content. If this applies to you, replace the wintergreen with 50 more drops of peppermint or eucalyptus globulus essential oil.

EQUIPMENT

·         double boiler (or a pot that fits inside another pot)

INSTRUCTIONS

1.   Place coconut oil and cayenne in a double boiler and gently warm the oil. Be careful not to let it get hot because the smell of cayenne will fill the room and make you cough. (Not that I would know that from experience – ahem).

2.   Once the oil is slightly warm give it a stir and then turn off the stove. Allow it to sit for half an hour and then repeat the process.At this point you can move on to step 3, or you can warm it again and allow to infuse 1-2 more times for a stronger oil. Overall this process should take 1-2 hours, depending on how many times you reheat the oil to intensify the infusion.

3.   Using a cheesecloth or old t-shirt, strain the mixture mixture over a measuring cup. After straining out the spices, add enough coconut oil so that the final amount is 1/4 cup.

4.   Melt beeswax and shea butter in a double boiler and add to the coconut oil. Stir in essential oils and allow to cool completely.

5.   Store in an airtight jar – Amber or cobalt are best but a clear jar is fine if kept out of direct sunlight (which promotes oxidation).

Storage and Shelf Life

I recommend storing this rub in the fridge to preserve shelf-life, which should be around 6-12 months.

 Mind-Clearing Mist

Ingredients

4 ounces water
10 drops peppermint essential oil
20 drops sweet orange essential oil
4 drops patchouli essential oil 

Directions

1. In a spray-mist bottle, combine all ingredients. Shake vigorously.

2. To use, apply a light misting to face, neck and surrounding airspace.

Homemade Body Wash Recipe

Ingredients

·         ⅔ cup liquid castile soap (find it here)

·         ¼ cup raw honey (find it here)

·         2 teaspoons oil – jojoba, sweet almond, grapeseed, sesame, or olive (find it here)

·         1 teaspoon Vitamin E oil (find it here)

·         50 – 60 drops essential oils (find 100% pure essential oils here) – see suggestions below

Directions

Measure out all ingredients and combine in a bottle with a squirt top, shaking to mix. Shake gently before each use. To use, squirt onto a washcloth, bath pouf, or directly onto body.

Since this recipe doesn’t contain water, it has a long shelf life.

Fabric Softener

Ingredients

• 3 c White Vinegar
• 1/4 c Rubbing Alcohol (or vodka)
• 20 drops of Essential Oil (such as Tea Tree, Purification, or Thieves)- I recommend this brand

This is easy! Simply put the ingredients into a glass jar, shake it up and you're ready to go! Just add ½-¾ cup to your fabric softener dispenser in you washing machine the next time you do a load.
That's so easy right?

Homemade Laundry Detergent

1 bar, Dr. Bronner's Castille Soap -OR- 1 cup liquid Dr. Bronner's Castille Soap* (from Whole Foods)
1/2 cup washing soda (sold at Meijer's)
1/2 cup borax (sold at Target)
water
5 gallon bucket with lid (sold at Home Depot)

Using a food processor with a grater attachment, or an old-fashioned regular grater, grate the Castille bar soap, or simply use the liquid Castille.

Heat 6 cups of water until very hot, but not boiling. Pour the water into the 5 gallon bucket, and add the Castille soap. Stir until dissolved.

Add washing soda and borax, and stir until dissolved.

(for this next step, you really want to make sure that the bucket is in a place where you will be storing it, so you won't have to carry it. Once the bucket is full, it is heavy!)

Fill the bucket within a few inches of the top, and stir well. Let stand overnight.

In the morning, stir again. There will be a gelatinous topping, so you want to stir the detergent, until it is the consistency of egg-drop soup.

You are now ready to use the detergent. I used a ladle and a funnel, and re-used several plastic juice and cider containers, and poured the detergent into several smaller containers, and stored the rest of the detergent in the bucket.

TO USE: Simply add 1/2 cup of the laundry detergent, while the water is filling the basin, so it mixes with the water.

*Dr. Bronner's comes in all sorts of nice scents, I chose a citrus scent, which works great. However, since the scent comes from essential oils instead of chemicals, it is much more subtle than traditional detergent. If you want stronger scents, add essential oils. But honestly, I love the way clothes just smell, well, clean.

Easy DIY Dish Soap 

Author: Kristin Marr

Ingredients

·         2 TB borax (where to buy)

·         2 TB washing soda (where to buy)

·         1¼ cups water

·         ¾ cup Sal Suds (where to buy)

·         15-20 drops each: peppermint essential oil (where to buy) and tea tree essential oil (where to buy)

Optional:

·         ½ TB nourishing oil (jojoba, almond, olive oil, etc.)--If you'll be using this soap with bare hands.

Instructions

1.       In a saucepan, heat the the water just until it reaches a boiling point. Turn off the heat and add the washing soda and borax, stirring to dissolve. Let the mixture cool for 3-5 minutes, just until warm, but no longer hot.

2.      Add the Sal Suds and and essential oils to the water mixture. Vigorously whisk the ingredients together.

3.      Use a funnel to pour the dish soap into a soap dispenser (I found one at IKEA). The soap may separate after sitting for 24 hours. If this happens, vigorously shake the soap bottle until the ingredients are combined.

Deodorant

Ingredients

1/2 cup coconut oil
1/4 cup cornstarch (or arrowroot powder for sensitive skin)
1/4 cup baking soda
1/8 -1/4 teaspoon essential oil (We like lavender and lemongrass, but feel free to choose your favorite)

*Recipe slightly adapted from gnowfglins.com

Instructions

1. If the coconut oil is in a solid state, put some in a microwave-safe container and pop it in the microwave for 10-second intervals (until it melts fully).
2. Mix in essential oil.
3. Add cornstarch and baking soda and mix until smooth.
4. Transfer to a jar and apply with your hands or an empty deodorant tube for mess free application.

Note: It may be best to refrigerate your deodorant since coconut oil has a low melting point.

Disinfectant

makes 1 medium bottle
Safe for use on granite, great for killing germs anywhere.
3 tbsp Castile soap
30 drops essential oil
Enough water to fill bottle

Shower spray

 makes 1 bottle
Lightly mist walls and tub after you shower—no more evil soap scum!
1 cup water
1 cup vinegar*
2 tbsp Castile soap*
10 drops essential oil

Soft scrub 

makes 2 squeeze bottles (mix in individual bottles!)

Scrub into tubs, sinks, and toilets—let sit, then rinse.
1/2 cup baking soda per bottle (1 cup total)
1/2  cup Borax per bottle (1 cup total)
1/2 cup Castile soap per bottle (1 cup total)
15 drops essential oil per bottle (30 total)
Splash or two of water per bottle (get it to the consistency you want)

All-purpose cleaner 

makes 2 medium bottles
Use on all surfaces except maybe granite, wood furniture, and food areas like cutting boards.
2 cups hot water
2 tbsp Borax (dissolve)
1/4 cup vinegar*
1/2 cup Castile soap*
40 drops essential oil 

Me and O, 2016

Showing off our end of summer haircuts.  Me and my handsome sidekick.  

Just plain old gratitude. 

Morning Bliss and Severity Explained

I stayed in bed this morning for about 3 extra hours because I was so blissfully relaxed that I was afraid to move. I,  I thought that when I started to move things would start to hurt and that was true and did happen just 4 minutes ago when I finally roused myself to get up.  My body had zero pains in it and I just wanted to wallow for a long time in that. Um,  I knew that the dog had gone out this morning at about 5am and I knew that they both had some food and some water, and I knew that I was only going to have moments free of pain today if I soaked them in this morning.  So, I did.  I didn't sleep much of those hours, but I did lay there and contemplate. And, I cant even remember now what I was thinking about because already the pain is so bad that I have forgotten everything that I wanted to write.  But, I did read a article yesterday and it has made things a little more clear for me.  The article um is by a doctor who said and broke down fibromyalgia into 7 different subsets, 7 different degrees of the disease that affect people.  I have always wondered why I have never met another person who needed to use a wheelchair like I do and the reason is clear in this article.  Um, Mine is subset #6 out of 7 so mine is quite severe and um a lot of people still are diagnosed with it even though they, it might be fine for them to drive around and even to still work and to sort of have more normal functioning in their daily life than I do.  And probably also why they are denied for their disability, because this one word is used to describe such a wide range of the disease. Um,  Makes me feel um validated in the fact that I live with something so severe and so difficult and yet I remain able to not be bitter and angry.  I remain faithful and accepting of it.  I still remain fighting obstacles, real obstacles like loneliness and depression and um trying hard to contribute something of myself into this world so that it will matter that I've lived.  But, knowing that um, the Lord has given me this very personal job of taking care of this very personal vessel in its journey across the Earth.  So, it was a very good article for me to read and I intend to share it with as many people (yawn) as I can that I know who might benefit from it.  Um, I do have one friend who I know fits into subset 7.  She has, um well it might not be subset 7 but its at least subset 6 and its very confusing for those of us who are affected very severely to see other people like able to walk more normally and they still are holding down jobs and they still are they're functioning better than we're functioning.  And its very confusing that we can't do it.  So, I'm very glad that this explains it and that it was written by a doctor and that research has shown it all to be true.  (Yawn.)
 I woke up this morning with a view of Evy sitting in the windowsill of the window in my room and I got to take some pictures of her silhouette through the curtain.  They're very pretty.

 And now shes just sitting here with me on the floor.  We're both just resting a little more before we get up and face the rest of the day and the rest of the house.
Today my goal is to do a couple of loads of laundry, if that's possible, I don't know whether it will be possible.  I also have 2 tiny flowerpots that I would like to pot plants in. And I have the plants, and  I have the dirt, I just have to find the energy to go out to the patio and do it.  So those are my 2 hopes and dreams for this day, that maybe I get a couple of those things done.  I've said my morning prayer to God thanking Him for my so long list of blessings, and I'm glad that I had the good common sense to cancel today's aqua fit class because I would've had to wait there after the class for more than an hour and a half for my ride home and that's just not something that is um doable right now at that location.  There's no good place for me to wait for that long, and its just not within my comfort to do that.  So, I hope I can find some way to translate this into text so maybe I can do my blogging from speaking because it um I, I was able to record things that I was thinking about immediately rather than having to make my way to my computer yawn because as soon as I get out of this bed, what has already escalated in the last 6 minutes will dial all the way up.  I know it, I can feel it.  I just tried to put a little bit of my body weight on one elbow and searing, searing pain shot all the way through from my fingertips up into my back, so I know its waiting for me.  And I  I have the courage to face it now, and I hope that anyone reading just has a truly happy day and enjoys it thoroughly.  Realize that life is absolutely a gift and that if you're too busy to appreciate it, you're too busy.  You need to make a change.  Be less busy and appreciate your life.

PS  I typed this in from my morning recording exactly as I spoke it.  That's why the ums and yawns.

PPS  The article is titled :

The Fibromyalgia Spectrum - Part of the Big Picture in Understanding Fibromyalgia and if you google it, it comes up as result #2.  PPPS  The level of pain throughout the day was not nearly as bad as I anticipated.  The morning was quite bad, and again it got severe at about 5pm, but during the day hours, it leveled off and I didn't need my chair.  I just wanted to make that note, so I can remind myself that no matter how bad it feels, it can get better, and sometimes it does.  I got one load of laundry done plus all the plants potted.  And, organized my recipes plus made dinner.  No nap, which wasn't a great decision but, I sacrificed it to organize the recipes.  I love organizing and recipes, so, fun times here.  Sweet dreams, all.

Morning Bliss and Severity Explained

I stayed in bed this morning for about 3 extra hours because I was so blissfully relaxed that I was afraid to move. I,  I thought that when I started to move things would start to hurt and that was true and did happen just 4 minutes ago when I finally roused myself to get up.  My body had zero pains in it and I just wanted to wallow for a long time in that. Um,  I knew that the dog had gone out this morning at about 5am and I knew that they both had some food and some water, and I knew that I was only going to have moments free of pain today if I soaked them in this morning.  So, I did.  I didn't sleep much of those hours, but I did lay there and contemplate. And, I cant even remember now what I was thinking about because already the pain is so bad that I have forgotten everything that I wanted to write.  But, I did read a article yesterday and it has made things a little more clear for me.  The article um is by a doctor who said and broke down fibromyalgia into 7 different subsets, 7 different degrees of the disease that affect people.  I have always wondered why I have never met another person who needed to use a wheelchair like I do and the reason is clear in this article.  Um, Mine is subset #6 out of 7 so mine is quite severe and um a lot of people still are diagnosed with it even though they, it might be fine for them to drive around and even to still work and to sort of have more normal functioning in their daily life than I do.  And probably also why they are denied for their disability, because this one word is used to describe such a wide range of the disease. Um,  Makes me feel um validated in the fact that I live with something so severe and so difficult and yet I remain able to not be bitter and angry.  I remain faithful and accepting of it.  I still remain fighting obstacles, real obstacles like loneliness and depression and um trying hard to contribute something of myself into this world so that it will matter that I've lived.  But, knowing that um, the Lord has given me this very personal job of taking care of this very personal vessel in its journey across the Earth.  So, it was a very good article for me to read and I intend to share it with as many people (yawn) as I can that I know who might benefit from it.  Um, I do have one friend who I know fits into subset 7.  She has, um well it might not be subset 7 but its at least subset 6 and its very confusing for those of us who are affected very severely to see other people like able to walk more normally and they still are holding down jobs and they still are they're functioning better than we're functioning.  And its very confusing that we can't do it.  So, I'm very glad that this explains it and that it was written by a doctor and that research has shown it all to be true.  (Yawn.)
 I woke up this morning with a view of Evy sitting in the windowsill of the window in my room and I got to take some pictures of her silhouette through the curtain.  They're very pretty.  And now shes just sitting here with me on the floor.  We're both just resting a little more before we get up and face the rest of the day and the rest of the house.
Today my goal is to do a couple of loads of laundry, if that's possible, I don't know whether it will be possible.  I also have 2 tiny flowerpots that I would like to pot plants in. And I have the plants, and  I have the dirt, I just have to find the energy to go out to the patio and do it.  So those are my 2 hopes and dreams for this day, that maybe I get a couple of those things done.  I've said my morning prayer to God thanking Him for my so long list of blessings, and I'm glad that I had the good common sense to cancel today's aqua fit class because I would've had to wait there after the class for more than an hour and a half for my ride home and that's just not something that is um doable right now at that location.  There's no good place for me to wait for that long, and its just not within my comfort to do that.  So, I hope I can find some way to translate this into text so maybe I can do my blogging from speaking because it um I, I was able to record things that I was thinking about immediately rather than having to make my way to my computer yawn because as soon as I get out of this bed, what has already escalated in the last 6 minutes will dial all the way up.  I know it, I can feel it.  I just tried to put a little bit of my body weight on one elbow and searing, searing pain shot all the way through from my fingertips up into my back, so I know its waiting for me.  And I  I have the courage to face it now, and I hope that anyone reading just has a truly happy day and enjoys it thoroughly.  Realize that life is absolutely a gift and that if you're too busy to appreciate it, you're too busy.  You need to make a change.  Be less busy and appreciate your life.

PS  I typed this in from my morning recording exactly as I spoke it.  That's why the ums and yawns.

PSS  The article is titled :

The Fibromyalgia Spectrum - Part of the Big Picture in Understanding Fibromyalgia and if you google it, it comes up as result #2.

No big news, just August

It's Sunday.  Last week I went to my local church.  I miss being part of a church, worshiping in a group, the social aspect of it.  And the Sacrament.  But I was reminded that the location of my worship is irrelevant to my Heavenly Father.  I was reminded that the rituals are not really necessary for me to feel close, loved and comforted.  No, I don't get to receive Communion, but, I trust that He still dwells in me.  It just isn't good for me.  And more than that, it depresses me because I put myself through a lot to be there hoping to feel better about life afterwords.  Instead, left feeling chewed up and spit out.  The environment is entirely too hard for my body.  I'd like very much to become a part of some ladies social group but, without being an active parish member, which I can't do if I don't attend Mass, that isn't happening.  So, last Sunday was an extremely hard day.  And it took me most of the week to bounce up from the mood it left me in.  Not entirely sure I'm out of that yet.  I can still feel it pulling at me.  Depression sometimes feels a bit like gravity.  A natural pull downward.  Problem-solving creativity and muscular and mental effort are required to oppose it.  Those are often hard to come by for me.

At my physical a couple weeks ago, my blood pressure was so low that it alarmed my doctor.  She wanted me to come down from a drug to half the dose.  I do nearly blackout almost every time I go from low to high position.  She explained that the low blood pressure causes this orthostatic hypotension, and that likely the amitrypatline is responsible.  I've been on 25 mg of it for years at night but my previous neurologist increased me to 50 in January this year to help with migraine pain and prevention.  So, now I have a hard choice in front of me again.  I have my migraines under control again, PRAISE the LORD, but my pain is in an escalation.   I have decreased the dose back to 25mg and my pain is at the top of the charts again.  I'm not sure, of course, there's never a hard, fast guarantee, but I think that if I added back the extra 25mg, it could help with some of this pain.  It will just mean also adding back the very low blood pressure.  On the surface of it, the decision seems easy to just do what decreases my pain.  But, small activities of daily life can't be overlooked.  A movement so small as to load a single dish in the dishwasher could absolutely cause me to hit the floor if I'm not VERY careful.  It is quite hard, quite an effort to be so careful all the time.  I'm not sure yet what choice to make.  Keeping it in prayer for now on the decreased dose.  Living with the pain.

I do wish our home felt "done" the way we want it.  We haven't taken (Tim hasn't had) the time to paint all of it and to replace some of the very outdated fixtures, etc.  These things are so minor, really.  But for me, I spend my life in this house.  It would be a bit more pleasant if it felt cleaner and fresher.  We'll get there.

I no longer feel any guilt when Oscar doesn't get a walk.  He stays on guard duty in the backyard all day.  There is constant danger of a squirrel/bird invasion, and he is militant that it will not happen while he breathes.  This week, with so much rain, he actually has spent more time outside than in.  He enjoys the heck out of standing with front paws on the tree trunk making sure that darn squirrel doesn't dare come down.  And as the squirrels jump around the canopied backyard from tree to tree, he runs back and forth across our large yard, many many times daily.  The true beauty of his protection is that he does all this in silence.  Never a single bark.  So, he gets his exercise, which I'm quite grateful for.

We are going to go out for some fast food lunch and then shopping.  Also to pick up meds.   They are my migraine abortive, which I've been out of for more than a week, and have been getting by without problems.  I have introduced another chemical in the afternoons when my head starts to get tight, a half a Coke Zero with lemon juice.  The caffeine is the helper.  I'd like to get to a point where I don't rely on any chemical, but, if wishes were.... what's that saying?  Anyway, if I had a wish, I certainly wouldn't waste it on a mid-day Coke Zero need.  So, that's where I am with that.

Not feeling good about my new psychologist.  Not learning from her, not benefiting yet.  So far, I have been paying to educate her about myself, my background, my illness.  This week at the appointment, I wept about something that happened and was really fighting depression, but she could not even understand why I was so upset.  I had to explain every single step and stage of what I went through to her.  It felt excessively tiresome.  I don't think my expectations are unreasonable.  I'm just educating her about life with this.  She just needs to read my blog.  I've reached out to the support group asking for names of other psychologists who folks with chronic illness can recommend.  Neither of my doctors, my primary or my neuro, could help with that.  I have a couple to call, but they will need to take my Medicare, which is unlikely.

Still battling loneliness.  Still trying to reach out and bring new and old friends closer to me.  There's a slope involved because the loneliness breeds a vulnerability for me, which can breed anxiety, and then fear, and then depression.  I gotta nip this in the bud.  I just do.  The depression option is frankly scarier than anything I can think of facing.  I never want to do that again.

Today's gratitude is for the abundant healthy and fresh food I have easy access to.  Many, many people live in hunger or without the ability to get the nutrients they need because they can't afford foods of high quality.  I am blessed in so many ways, but my stocked refrigerator is a huge one.

Have happy days!

Listening Angel

Yesterday I went to my first water aerobics class ever.  The warm water of the indoor pool did feel fantastic, and the floating belts that made it possible to do the deep water movements were great.  I feel good this morning, in comparison to recent mornings anyway.  The difficulty in the day for me was the transit to the Y location.  The bus was more than 20 minutes late.  I got on at 11:45am.  I had already eaten lunch early, which was good thinking on my part.  Then, I proceeded to ride around Dallas until 1:25pm when I was finally dropped off at the Y.  (A bus ride for me is maybe similar to a regular person getting on a medium roller coaster.  I am very shaken up when I arrive at my destination.  To say I wasn't in good shape when I got there is the understatement this summer. ) The class started at 1pm, and I was supposed to have been picked up in an 11-11:20 window and dropped off at 12:45.  So, I rushed in and changed and hopped in the pool, a bit after 1:30.  Very much enjoyed the experience of it.  The return bus ride was due to arrive in a 2-2:20 window.  I gave myself exactly 5 minutes to strip off my suit, dry, dress, and make it back up to the lobby by 2pm.  The bus arrived 3 minutes later.  It was quite a frenzy.  Here is where I met the listening angel.  On the ride home, the driver Ron, and the other passenger, Sam, and I laughed so hard and had such fun talking about how the rides go wrong and how dispatch "gets things done" for us.  And my fibro fog was in full swing by this time.  I could only speak quite slowly.  Sam was sitting directly behind my wheelchair, which was fastened to the front passenger area of the van.  He is blind.  We'd all only been chatting for a few minutes when Sam asked what kind of accent I had.  I told him that what he was hearing was my effort to speak through the fibromyalgia fog, that my brain takes longer to think of words and pronounce them.  I don't have any real accent to my natural voice to speak of.  (For you who have never heard me during a time like this, or haven't heard anyone try to speak through fog, I pronounce every syllable distinctly, almost as if each syllable were a separate word.  I still give inflection, but it is more muted.  But ev rey thing is ve ry clear ly spo ken, with all con so nants giv en their sound.  This is something I have had to overcome feeling self-conscious about, and I have.  And then Sam said "it is so pretty.  It is one of the prettiest accents I've ever heard."  To me, that is such a high compliment.  Here is a man who gets through the world with highly tuned hearing and listening skills.  And he heard my speech not as completely difficult and effortful, which it is, but as beautiful and distinctly clear.  He said so.  It was a more lovely comment than any I've ever had about how I look to a sighted man.  It was finding the beautiful diamond in the coal mine.  My bus ride angel, reminding me that God dwells in my body.

Grateful for yesterday's adventure, although I have promised my husband not to return to that particular Y location after describing it to him.  He did not like the description AT ALL.  Grateful that I have another, hopefully cleaner and safer location to try tomorrow.  Grateful for this day and all the love I have to give and receive in it.

New analogy for fog

This week, I've got another metaphor, or maybe an analogy.  My primary doctor said it to me during my physical.  She was describing my dense breast tissue, and how screening mammograms are useless against it.  She said it was like searching for a single white balloon in a white cloud.  It was such a good analogy for me to understand why I had to have that extra ultrasound.  But, it also is an excellent analogy for fibro fog.  For any who have never had a foggy moment, here is what it is like.  My vocabulary, not entirely but almost all of it, especially all of the nouns, are captured in a white balloon.  As I wander through the cloud of fog, I search for the word I need to communicate in the world.  The word is in the white balloon, in the white fog.  I cannot find it.  The effort to even find it isn't worth the actual having it.  This is why words get made up.  Words get substituted.  I sound dumb.  But, I thought this analogy was vivid and appropriately depicted what it feels like to have the words necessary become hidden and unavailable to me.  And it conveys why I sometimes say things that are actually not words at all, or things that don't entirely make sense.

Hopefully, this will help somebody better understand their fog, or their loved one's fog.  Grateful that the balloon search in my chest did not warrant further action.  Have happy, happy days.