Well, I just read an article with so much validated research that I know it is proven. So, there is no question of its truth. Here is the point. Fibromyalgia causes brain damage in people who have it.
Researchers found that in people with chronic pain, a front region of the cortex associated with emotion fails to deactivate when it should. It's stuck on full throttle, wearing out neurons and altering their connections.
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/02/080205171755.htm
Now, that is quite a depressing thing to read. How can it not be? They've proven that as much as it sucks living through the pain, doing so actually damages my brain. Hmmmm you say. Why bother to keep showing up? I know that sounds drastic, and I am by no means near that kind of thinking but, come on, it is high time that the world stop judging or assessing "what we are going through" because frankly, they are going to come up short every time. For one thing, every time, my brain will be damaged a bit more. Also, how could anyone feel what's inside the very private vessel that is me? Impossible.
Think about that one line for just a moment. "Stuck on full throttle." So the first thing that comes to my mind is a car. A car stuck on full throttle is a disaster waiting to happen. What else has throttles, maybe an elevator? Well, the floors are going to stop up there somewhere or down there somewhere. How about even my electric toothbrush? It will burn out and I'm imagining smoke will be involved if it stayed stuck on full force. Here is the point - anything stuck on full throttle will end abruptly, permanently and probably very messily. I cannot think of a single exception. Nothing, not any man made device or machine, nor any animal I know of can sustain being "stuck on full throttle". It hands my mortality to me on a plate. Huge questions arise about how damaged my brain will be when I'm 55 or 65. After all, medicine cannot treat the root causes yet at all. They are just now figuring out how it effects us. It is quite a thing to read about a disease you live with.
So, how to bring this knowledge into my soul cohesively? How to embrace the damage to my brain which is happening every single second of my life. There is an answer. Just give it to Him. There is nothing else I can possibly do. If I am to enjoy any of the life I'm given by Christ's sacrifice, I have to also let Him help me carry this burden. To try to carry it alone, that would be suicide. And, for those of you who know me very well, you know I do not use that word lightly. I would never.
Today I pray for folks with pain like mine who are not close to the Lord. I pray that they can find their way to Him, that they are guided in His direction and develop a "besties" relationship with Him. Without Him, how could I actually face each day? Really? I mean, full throttle always? Come on.
Thankful that I was raised in deep faith which comforts and nourishes me during all the moments of my life. Even, and especially during the brain damaging ones.
Have happy, happy days.
Thursday, May 21, 2015
Saturday, May 9, 2015
May
It's not that this month is uneventful, I am just having trouble grouping everything that's happening into their proper sections and figuring a way to write about them.
First, could I just say how fantastically GRATEFUL I am that my health is standing up to these last 3 tornado warning evenings without quality of life loss. I've been able to be not only up and around, but not at all unhappy or more than medium discomfort. This has never been the case for me before when there is severe weather. Once, it actually robbed me of the ability to think of words to ask for help, which is quite scary, let me assure you. Tonight and tomorrow are supposed to be more of this same kind of weather. Its already rainy and stormy here, which began this morning, and I still feel decent. Not in a wheelchair. Not reaching for medicine. Not in tears. Basically, just LOVING LIFE.
Okay, now that that is covered, I think I can cover some other stuff without minimalizing my current situation. I had a super lovely vacation recently with a dear relative. I reached out to her during the time several weeks back when I felt so utterly lonely and she set this trip up for us. Such a beautiful gift, these puzzle pieces that make up our hearts. I now have a fantastic friend in her, as well. I hope she feels the same. It was a much needed change of scenery for me. And, at the end, there was a little "brain injury" mishap on my part but, the concussion seems to have healed now and I've managed not to get another while symptoms were still on the burner. Apparently, as long as you don't sustain another until the first one has had 7-10 days to heal, or you have no more symptoms, your brain heals from them without problem. So says the ER doctor.
Also, a lovely bit about sustaining the "brain injury" is that I was entirely bed bound for about 2.5 days and I only got out with help to sit in my wheelchair and then have to be pushed and have help getting onto the toilet. So, needless to say, my spouse was vital in my care. And, we managed. I can't remember having anyone at my beck and call like that before. We have walkie talkies which were put into use, only because I just hate yelling. I hate hearing it and I hate doing it. He brought food. He moved heating pads and brought warmer socks. He kept the animals in food and water. And, I have to say I was honestly tempted to continue feeling "brain injured" longer than I was because, I really just wanted another day or so of the hand-maiden stuff. When it came right down to it though, I've been up doing stuff, taking medicine, alternating with rest for several days. It feels like horrible karma to take advantage of a caregiver for even an afternoon. Folks who care for the sick are often changed by it psychologically and I'd not want that on my conscience.
Enrolled as a Wellness Advocate for doTerra essential oils. I've done this really as just a partnership for my little pendants. That way I can sell folks little samples of different oils and they don't have to dish out like $30 for a small bottle of oil, just to find out that it is not the one which works for them, or their family. The direction that our health care system is heading frankly scares me and I want to keep as many chemicals as possible outside of my house and body. The scents of nature are powerful. Last night, I found that my mood changed about an hour before bed. I couldn't figure out why, either. Nothing had happened to cause it yet, I was in a bit of a funk. I used two drops of a blend called Elevation on the insides of my wrists, like I would for perfume. It smelled very good at the time I applied it. But as it was absorbed by the pores of my skin and my personal chemistry mixed with it, IT SMELLED DELICIOUS. Like, I wanted to just lick my arms, delicious. It is hard to be in a funk when you think you are completely YUMMY.
A few folks in my world are struggling with symptoms of illness these days, and I witness some of these and hear about others. It is truly a helpless feeling to watch loved ones suffer. Growth is hard. That's why when kids have growing feelings, those are called pains. I think most all illnesses which are chronic (and these I'm referring to are) must be grieved, like any important loss. And one of the steps of grieving is acceptance which is sometimes confused with resignation. Resignation to me has the ring of surrender. I am laying down now. Just go on and run me over. But acceptance, that means, okay, I get that things will be different, but, I'm not going to stop living. I will figure out how to live differently. I can still go on a cruise to Alaska, even though I have to do it differently. I can still hope to see the Grand Canyon someday. I can still offer compassion to others.
This is from my Minute Meditations and it struck me as so so true today that I want to share it.
In this life you now perceive great value and beauty in things that formerly you turned away from: poverty, suffering, even illness. You now understand that in the poor and lonely you behold the face of Christ. And in difficulties such as illness you see the means for you to do as Christ bade you: to take up your cross and follow him all the way to heaven.
I was one of those people who perceived value in beauty. In abundance. Now, I am the other kind of person. Frankly, I wouldn't change it for anything. It so delights me that I have tears.
In deep gratitude that I know myself.
Have happy, happy days.
First, could I just say how fantastically GRATEFUL I am that my health is standing up to these last 3 tornado warning evenings without quality of life loss. I've been able to be not only up and around, but not at all unhappy or more than medium discomfort. This has never been the case for me before when there is severe weather. Once, it actually robbed me of the ability to think of words to ask for help, which is quite scary, let me assure you. Tonight and tomorrow are supposed to be more of this same kind of weather. Its already rainy and stormy here, which began this morning, and I still feel decent. Not in a wheelchair. Not reaching for medicine. Not in tears. Basically, just LOVING LIFE.
Okay, now that that is covered, I think I can cover some other stuff without minimalizing my current situation. I had a super lovely vacation recently with a dear relative. I reached out to her during the time several weeks back when I felt so utterly lonely and she set this trip up for us. Such a beautiful gift, these puzzle pieces that make up our hearts. I now have a fantastic friend in her, as well. I hope she feels the same. It was a much needed change of scenery for me. And, at the end, there was a little "brain injury" mishap on my part but, the concussion seems to have healed now and I've managed not to get another while symptoms were still on the burner. Apparently, as long as you don't sustain another until the first one has had 7-10 days to heal, or you have no more symptoms, your brain heals from them without problem. So says the ER doctor.
Also, a lovely bit about sustaining the "brain injury" is that I was entirely bed bound for about 2.5 days and I only got out with help to sit in my wheelchair and then have to be pushed and have help getting onto the toilet. So, needless to say, my spouse was vital in my care. And, we managed. I can't remember having anyone at my beck and call like that before. We have walkie talkies which were put into use, only because I just hate yelling. I hate hearing it and I hate doing it. He brought food. He moved heating pads and brought warmer socks. He kept the animals in food and water. And, I have to say I was honestly tempted to continue feeling "brain injured" longer than I was because, I really just wanted another day or so of the hand-maiden stuff. When it came right down to it though, I've been up doing stuff, taking medicine, alternating with rest for several days. It feels like horrible karma to take advantage of a caregiver for even an afternoon. Folks who care for the sick are often changed by it psychologically and I'd not want that on my conscience.
Enrolled as a Wellness Advocate for doTerra essential oils. I've done this really as just a partnership for my little pendants. That way I can sell folks little samples of different oils and they don't have to dish out like $30 for a small bottle of oil, just to find out that it is not the one which works for them, or their family. The direction that our health care system is heading frankly scares me and I want to keep as many chemicals as possible outside of my house and body. The scents of nature are powerful. Last night, I found that my mood changed about an hour before bed. I couldn't figure out why, either. Nothing had happened to cause it yet, I was in a bit of a funk. I used two drops of a blend called Elevation on the insides of my wrists, like I would for perfume. It smelled very good at the time I applied it. But as it was absorbed by the pores of my skin and my personal chemistry mixed with it, IT SMELLED DELICIOUS. Like, I wanted to just lick my arms, delicious. It is hard to be in a funk when you think you are completely YUMMY.
A few folks in my world are struggling with symptoms of illness these days, and I witness some of these and hear about others. It is truly a helpless feeling to watch loved ones suffer. Growth is hard. That's why when kids have growing feelings, those are called pains. I think most all illnesses which are chronic (and these I'm referring to are) must be grieved, like any important loss. And one of the steps of grieving is acceptance which is sometimes confused with resignation. Resignation to me has the ring of surrender. I am laying down now. Just go on and run me over. But acceptance, that means, okay, I get that things will be different, but, I'm not going to stop living. I will figure out how to live differently. I can still go on a cruise to Alaska, even though I have to do it differently. I can still hope to see the Grand Canyon someday. I can still offer compassion to others.
This is from my Minute Meditations and it struck me as so so true today that I want to share it.
In this life you now perceive great value and beauty in things that formerly you turned away from: poverty, suffering, even illness. You now understand that in the poor and lonely you behold the face of Christ. And in difficulties such as illness you see the means for you to do as Christ bade you: to take up your cross and follow him all the way to heaven.
I was one of those people who perceived value in beauty. In abundance. Now, I am the other kind of person. Frankly, I wouldn't change it for anything. It so delights me that I have tears.
In deep gratitude that I know myself.
Have happy, happy days.
Friday, April 24, 2015
New venture
Officially launching the FaceBook site for my essential oil terra cotta pendants today. Uploaded pics just last Friday and have sold 6 since then. So, now I have photos of them each, and cards, the whole deal. Gratitude for the mental clarity to take this creativity into something that will at least pay for itself. (Unlike my yarn art.) Feel pretty delighted that it is raining now, and has several times this week and my symptoms are minimal. Yes, that's what I said. Minimal. I can walk independently, speak coherently, all the stuff I sometimes lose. So, I am trying to just enjoy it and not really focus on whatever it is I'm doing that's right. After all, it could be due to nothing I have acted on at all.
Have happy days!
Have happy days!
Friday, April 17, 2015
Since last time
Well, its been a bit since I've written. I've had a few realizations since then. Also, my symptoms weren't that bothersome for some time until about 3 days ago, so I used the time to do things at sites other than my computer.
For a bit, I crocheted since I was working on a charity drive and our goal was to do as many things as possible for whatever charity we personally chose. I sent 12 hats and a dozen or so bracelets and necklaces to the Battered Women's Foundation of Fort Worth. Then I got started on slippers for my sister and a hat & scarf set for my sister-in-law. I love to work with my yarn. I especially love when I find a pattern with a stitch that is soothing rhythmically and doesn't require a lot of counting. I haven't been crocheting for very long and have only had individual instruction once so, I think I'm quite good, considering that. But, when I have to carefully count specific stitches and gauge is critical, that's when mistakes are made, especially by folks like me. Let's just say that one of Moni's slippers wasn't exactly the same color throughout. Very, very, super close, but not exactly. So, I call it a one-of-a-kind uniquely crafted piece of fiber art made for her very own foot. (It's a handy thing being good with words.) I am trying to improve, but not in any goal oriented way. I can produce better results if it is all I'm doing but, then the book has to be turned off. I can do it to music of course but, I'm sort of addicted to stories so, books are my thing to listen to.
Then I cooked for a bit and refilled my freezer with enough prepared stuff so that I don't scramble for dinner. I know it shouldn't seem like I'd ever scramble for dinner since I'm home all day and can take my time choosing what to have or make but, not so. I don't handle the last minute pressure of him being at home already and asking what's for dinner. If I don't have an answer for that, it freaks me out a bit. Also, I think because he doesn't cook, he doesn't get that raw meat (and really cooked meat, too) thawed in the microwave is less desirable than if it were left to thaw at room temperature. Or, it is for me at least. Anyway, I usually take something out of the freezer and about half the time he doesn't feel like having that. He never complains. He is very happy eating something else. But I am left feeling like I did it wrong.
Also, in the last month, I discovered I am an empath. (I think there are people out there who would say this was "New Agey" and not a real thing, similar to psychics.) It is not the same as being psychic. It means the ability to feel is enhanced, which actually makes sense with my particular disability. A friend brought this to my attention. I had mixed feelings about this for a couple weeks and it was hard to come to terms with. I didn't doubt it, when the books I got described types of people, I'm one of them. There's no question. So, the thing to do about it now is to make sure I continue to pay careful attention to whatever and whoever in the world has access to me, stimulation wise. Its unhealthy for me to just wander through the world like most folks can. I have to do things and go places with deliberation and purpose, or not go. And, I have to choose folks to be in my world by their quality and peacefulness. Since my world already involves so few people, it is likely that when my energy is depleted or changed for the negative, it is due mostly to environmental causes or to hanging on energies in the larger world around me, both of which I don't have control. I will try to work on constructing any further mental barriers which could help separate me from feeling too much.
I spent some time making terra-cotta essential oil pendants this week. It was a brand new creative endeavor for me and I LOVED it. It was surprisingly delightful to sit there with clay and create. I have posted them for sale. The trouble is that if I do it for maybe 2 mornings about 2 hours each, I end up with a couple dozen pendants. They are going to pile up quick at that rate. Unless I find a Massage Envy who wants to put them on their front desks for sale, I doubt I will be able to get rid of them as quickly as I'd like to make them.
So, that's a quick catch up of life inside me. I had some very down days not very long ago. But, I floated up as the waters rose and felt better. Had a couple lovely "play-dates" with other women friends, which I don't get to do often enough. That was overdue. And entirely enjoyed
I have decided I am going to try to describe my days differently to you. Previously, I have used the words good and bad as descriptors for how I felt each day. That's value based and sets me up for feeling some blame when all I did was wake up with severe symptoms. So, I'm going to try out other things like "I'm not symptomatic today or Symptoms are severe now". Maybe I could try "Life feels difficult today or A piece of cake day". If I can remember to do that and retrain my thinking, I bet I would feel mentally better on days I'm currently calling "bad". Today, by the way, is a difficult day so far.
Grateful today for plans to get away soon with a dear, dear loved one. And deep gratitude that I floated back up when the waters rose.
Have happy, happy days. They're the only days we get. Don't waste them.
For a bit, I crocheted since I was working on a charity drive and our goal was to do as many things as possible for whatever charity we personally chose. I sent 12 hats and a dozen or so bracelets and necklaces to the Battered Women's Foundation of Fort Worth. Then I got started on slippers for my sister and a hat & scarf set for my sister-in-law. I love to work with my yarn. I especially love when I find a pattern with a stitch that is soothing rhythmically and doesn't require a lot of counting. I haven't been crocheting for very long and have only had individual instruction once so, I think I'm quite good, considering that. But, when I have to carefully count specific stitches and gauge is critical, that's when mistakes are made, especially by folks like me. Let's just say that one of Moni's slippers wasn't exactly the same color throughout. Very, very, super close, but not exactly. So, I call it a one-of-a-kind uniquely crafted piece of fiber art made for her very own foot. (It's a handy thing being good with words.) I am trying to improve, but not in any goal oriented way. I can produce better results if it is all I'm doing but, then the book has to be turned off. I can do it to music of course but, I'm sort of addicted to stories so, books are my thing to listen to.
Then I cooked for a bit and refilled my freezer with enough prepared stuff so that I don't scramble for dinner. I know it shouldn't seem like I'd ever scramble for dinner since I'm home all day and can take my time choosing what to have or make but, not so. I don't handle the last minute pressure of him being at home already and asking what's for dinner. If I don't have an answer for that, it freaks me out a bit. Also, I think because he doesn't cook, he doesn't get that raw meat (and really cooked meat, too) thawed in the microwave is less desirable than if it were left to thaw at room temperature. Or, it is for me at least. Anyway, I usually take something out of the freezer and about half the time he doesn't feel like having that. He never complains. He is very happy eating something else. But I am left feeling like I did it wrong.
Also, in the last month, I discovered I am an empath. (I think there are people out there who would say this was "New Agey" and not a real thing, similar to psychics.) It is not the same as being psychic. It means the ability to feel is enhanced, which actually makes sense with my particular disability. A friend brought this to my attention. I had mixed feelings about this for a couple weeks and it was hard to come to terms with. I didn't doubt it, when the books I got described types of people, I'm one of them. There's no question. So, the thing to do about it now is to make sure I continue to pay careful attention to whatever and whoever in the world has access to me, stimulation wise. Its unhealthy for me to just wander through the world like most folks can. I have to do things and go places with deliberation and purpose, or not go. And, I have to choose folks to be in my world by their quality and peacefulness. Since my world already involves so few people, it is likely that when my energy is depleted or changed for the negative, it is due mostly to environmental causes or to hanging on energies in the larger world around me, both of which I don't have control. I will try to work on constructing any further mental barriers which could help separate me from feeling too much.
I spent some time making terra-cotta essential oil pendants this week. It was a brand new creative endeavor for me and I LOVED it. It was surprisingly delightful to sit there with clay and create. I have posted them for sale. The trouble is that if I do it for maybe 2 mornings about 2 hours each, I end up with a couple dozen pendants. They are going to pile up quick at that rate. Unless I find a Massage Envy who wants to put them on their front desks for sale, I doubt I will be able to get rid of them as quickly as I'd like to make them.
So, that's a quick catch up of life inside me. I had some very down days not very long ago. But, I floated up as the waters rose and felt better. Had a couple lovely "play-dates" with other women friends, which I don't get to do often enough. That was overdue. And entirely enjoyed
I have decided I am going to try to describe my days differently to you. Previously, I have used the words good and bad as descriptors for how I felt each day. That's value based and sets me up for feeling some blame when all I did was wake up with severe symptoms. So, I'm going to try out other things like "I'm not symptomatic today or Symptoms are severe now". Maybe I could try "Life feels difficult today or A piece of cake day". If I can remember to do that and retrain my thinking, I bet I would feel mentally better on days I'm currently calling "bad". Today, by the way, is a difficult day so far.
Grateful today for plans to get away soon with a dear, dear loved one. And deep gratitude that I floated back up when the waters rose.
Have happy, happy days. They're the only days we get. Don't waste them.
Thursday, April 2, 2015
Definitely darker
There's a weird sort of thing that happens with my symptoms. It is understandable from a birds-eye view but, I am not a bird. I am having to live it. So, its a bit harder to wrap my head around and sort of get the firm grip I need in order not to sink. Here goes. So, severe symptoms like pain, or migraine, or massive fatigue limit everything I do when they are present. I adapt to include them into my life since I have no choice but to do so. Part of adapting means that I am limited as to where I can go, the independent freedom to go when I want, and the energy of participating in some event. So, as adaptation, I have learned not to make too many plans. They are too frequently cancelled and/or changed. I know that large groups of people cause an unhealthy reaction in my body, so again I avoid places where these groups might be. I am extremely sensitive to certain vibrations and smells, and noises. More things to avoid. I don't drive because it isn't safe when I am symptomatic, and I live with unpredictable symptoms. These changes make sense when symptoms are in place. However, lately, the last few weeks, symptoms have not been overly bad. I find myself left with what feels like a shell of a life. Unfulfilled. Lonely. I have lost so much of what I'd want to be or do that when I can contribute or participate, the doors are already closed due to symptoms. Even if I can go to a place where a lot of people are gathered, and it may be a bit noisy, maybe a neighborhood social event or whatever, I am left feeling like I don't belong there. I've already adapted it out. They don't know me and are so busy with the people they do know that they don't have time to get to know me. It seems darker here, in this place. This life that feels a bit like a shell today. Sometimes, when I have been symptomatic, I can recall feeling like life is on hold. Like I'm just waiting it out for "this" to pass so I can get back to..... to what? Well, to doing nothing, really. I did get some very sad news a couple days ago that I haven't yet processed emotionally, and certainly that has a component on how dark things look for me today. My personal triangle remains the same. If I'm not in pain, I am fatigued. If I'm not fatigued, I have a migraine. If I don't have a migraine, I'm depressed. So, just finishing out the cycle with that last one. It's a very scary one. Physical pain is super easy for me to tolerate compared to pain in my heart and soul. I know for SURE that that will pass. This just feels bigger. It feels like someone has taken a huge old moldy woolen blanket and thrown it over me and I can't find any corner to lift it and get light. I'm trying to find an edge. But, I keep dropping it or not being strong enough to lift it. I have a lovely life. Even as I type that, I find that I cannot smile about it. Problem. I have a spouse who is ideal for me and treasures me and, still not smiling at the monitor. Problem. I have the affection of two sweet animals. Stone-faced as I sit here. Problem. I am grateful in theory for about a billion things in my world and yet, I feel empty. I have adapted so many fulfilling things out of my life that now, when I am not fully symptomatic, I am left empty. I am waiting for symptoms to come so I have something to do. ?? Could that be possible? What I have just written confuses me no end. If you are confused as well, then I guess I made my point. This whole thing is just so much NOT straightforward and I lack the mental energy necessary to connect the proposed dots. I just do. That is all. Going to bed now.
Grateful for the bedtime yoga sequence that calms me and has improved my sleep cycle. Thanks, Adriene.
Grateful for the bedtime yoga sequence that calms me and has improved my sleep cycle. Thanks, Adriene.
Monday, March 30, 2015
Salt
I love it when there is a simple answer to a ginormous problem. It feels miraculous. Maybe as close to a miracle as I will experience in my life. (Although I will admit that during my 14 month remission of symptoms, I felt overjoyed most of the time.) Before I began taking one of the drugs prescribed to me in 2005 to see if it would help, I think I had maybe 4 migraines in my life. I remember one very clearly. It came on because of hunger. I wasn't seeing a neurologist then and was otherwise healthy, so because it wasn't a ginormous problem, I didn't feel any real suffering from it. Well, after the drug Neurontin, gabapentin is the generic equivalent, it is the second most debilitating of all my symptoms. I was only on it for a one month trial. During that one month, I had a migraine almost every day. It was September and of the 30 days, at least 24 of them were spent in splitting pain so unbearable as to put me in bed, all day, each time. I called the doctor twice during the month saying, this side effect is too much, and like all the other months, he asked me to please stay with it for at least one month. He said that my body might still adjust, adapt to the medicine. Hang in there, he said. He was one of the more compassionate doctors I had. He was working with me in trying to find a medicine, an anti-seizure medicine, that would calm my nerves down. So, we tried several. I would titrate up, stay on it for a month if I could, and then titrate back off. I think I did that for eight months or so. This was one of those experiments. And it changed my life. I think it changed the face of the condition I live in, as well. Now, this is just me speaking but, I think it has rewired the trigger for migraines to be so low and easily sprung, that I get them so often and so severely that they are one of the worst culprits of my fibro. It's interesting because I know others who have fibro and don't suffer migraines. Also, I know some folks who swear by their Neurontin. It's crazy how we are each a feat of miraculous, supreme, exquisite human engineering. So, it has been one constant battle to stay on top of my headaches. In fact, I find them more debilitating than the physical pain. I am on two preventative medicines, and have one rescue med that works most of the time. But, some don't get caught and I still am left with an axe in my head and, well, etc.....
I stumbled upon something online which has already helped 3 times in 2 days. Salt. Specifically, pink Himalayan sea salt. That kind of sea salt has a very high concentration of some certain minerals not found anywhere else and, they cure a migraine headache. To think that something as simple as a teaspoon of salt in water with lemon can be my medicine, it is a miraculous feat. It makes full sense to me, because every time I feel one coming on, I crave salty Tostitos. I must need it. My lil' inside Marie knows it. A remedy exists that is not put out by a pharmeceutical laboratory, does not have any side effects, is not expensive, feels wholesome, on which I can now count. So, I will continue to take my prevention meds. But, when I feel one coming, I will get to my salt and water as fast as I can. And now, I have a backup med if the salt doesn't work. I have a plan A AND a plan B. How sweet is that? Super delicious yummo sweetness.
I have true gratitude that the internet and all its many "do this, it will cure you" sites guided me to one that WORKS. Gratitude for a plan B.
I stumbled upon something online which has already helped 3 times in 2 days. Salt. Specifically, pink Himalayan sea salt. That kind of sea salt has a very high concentration of some certain minerals not found anywhere else and, they cure a migraine headache. To think that something as simple as a teaspoon of salt in water with lemon can be my medicine, it is a miraculous feat. It makes full sense to me, because every time I feel one coming on, I crave salty Tostitos. I must need it. My lil' inside Marie knows it. A remedy exists that is not put out by a pharmeceutical laboratory, does not have any side effects, is not expensive, feels wholesome, on which I can now count. So, I will continue to take my prevention meds. But, when I feel one coming, I will get to my salt and water as fast as I can. And now, I have a backup med if the salt doesn't work. I have a plan A AND a plan B. How sweet is that? Super delicious yummo sweetness.
I have true gratitude that the internet and all its many "do this, it will cure you" sites guided me to one that WORKS. Gratitude for a plan B.
Saturday, March 7, 2015
True escape for three hours
Maybe I shouldn't call it escape. Maybe it was more like a vacation. My life is not a prison to return to, but an interesting and challenging combo of environments and blessings which can, without a break, feel overwhelming at times. I went to my first ever knitting circle this morning. These ladies meet once a month about half an hour away from me. Here is one of the most lovely things about the group. None of them knew me. No one asked how I'd been feeling. No one said, oh it must be the weather. I used my cane and took things slow when I did need to walk but, there was no questioning whatsoever (it would have been rude, really) about my health. I got to pretend to be a regular gal. For 3 whole hours. There were 13 of us at the end of the time and we all just chatted about books, movies, what projects we're working on, the traffic somewhere, home schooling, food, husbands, etc. Normal things. It was not a support group. It was a group of friends. They were happy to have me there. It is the usual thing to leave the morning with more yarn than you arrived with. Somehow, donations of yarn are made to the lady who runs the group and passed along to whomever, and I brought a huge bag of yarn home with me. Ladies were throwing finished 9x9 squares across the table to each other for specific blankets. Holding up the little pink sweaters for admiration. Taking note of which author one of them said was fabulous and which TV show to look for on Netflix. Also, I think I was the only one who didn't bring food to share. There was a plethora of desserts, salads, coffees, fruits to be had. The word fibromyalgia did not come up. No one talked about any of their own problems. Just shared the experience of enjoying the company of those who love to do what they do.
I don't know if I can accurately articulate just how badly I needed a vacation like this one today. I needed to be around some people who don't know me. Who take me in for just a bit socially, and who didn't delve deep enough that any bit of the conversation had to do with me or my health. They asked me to return just based on what small parts of me I showed them. I got to feel like a regular woman. I have forgotten what that feels like. Now that I'm home, I don't feel that way anymore as I cannot even walk from the car through the garage to the door without help. Not regular help from my cane, either. I had my cane and it was not anywhere near enough. Tim had to bear most of my weight to get me inside to the wheelchair. The small miracle of those 3 hours of normalcy is not lost on me. I hold huge gratitude for it.
Grateful for the courage it took to reach out and put myself in such an unknown situation alone. Grateful that it was worth the risk. Grateful to Tim who taxis me around without complaint. Grateful that I have something on my calendar to look forward to. Grateful there is something on my calendar at all, besides doctors appointments.
I don't know if I can accurately articulate just how badly I needed a vacation like this one today. I needed to be around some people who don't know me. Who take me in for just a bit socially, and who didn't delve deep enough that any bit of the conversation had to do with me or my health. They asked me to return just based on what small parts of me I showed them. I got to feel like a regular woman. I have forgotten what that feels like. Now that I'm home, I don't feel that way anymore as I cannot even walk from the car through the garage to the door without help. Not regular help from my cane, either. I had my cane and it was not anywhere near enough. Tim had to bear most of my weight to get me inside to the wheelchair. The small miracle of those 3 hours of normalcy is not lost on me. I hold huge gratitude for it.
Grateful for the courage it took to reach out and put myself in such an unknown situation alone. Grateful that it was worth the risk. Grateful to Tim who taxis me around without complaint. Grateful that I have something on my calendar to look forward to. Grateful there is something on my calendar at all, besides doctors appointments.
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